Thursday, August 22, 2013

Team S.J.G.R. Thursday Huddle #8: It's a no.

Food is good. At least, it can be. I mean. . . . it comes in so many forms. Hot and toasty. Sweet and gooey. Creamy and luscious. Crispy, crunchy and salty. When I think of my favorite foods, I can't help but break out in song like those little orphan boys in Oliver!

Food, glorious food!

Yeah man.

But here's the thing. Since we are Team S.J.G.R. and we recognize the REALNESS, we know that we (say it together):  LOSE WEIGHT in the KITCHEN and GET FIT in the GYM. In other words, no amount of side bends or sit ups will minimize that bedonkadonk unless you manage the fork, the spoon and the knife.

Which sucks, right? Because FOOD IS GOOD.

Here's what I decided. Being alive and well right now is better. Hanging out with my sons and the BHE is more awesome than anything tastes. And so. I do my best to focus on those things. I sure do.

But it's not always so easy, is it? I mean the food part. So can I tell you something that has helped me? I call the "It's a no" list. These are the foods and beverages that, under nearly all circumstances, I have decided are just not anywhere near worth it. Ever. Which in my head makes me say the following thing when they are in my presence:  "It's a no."

And yes. All inclusive vacations are my only partial caveat. But even then I still hear it in my head so that I don't go crazy. I'd suggest creating such a list in your own head. It will totally help you to shut down things that somehow find a place in front of you.

And because I am SURE that you are so curious and that you aren't busy at work right now (ha ha) I wrote a little top ten about it. Like to hear it? Here it go.


And I guess I should say that given the proper amount of squats and lunges, some "donks" are considered an. . . asset. No pun intended.

But a lot of DONKS are not the result of great lower body resistance work. They are the kind that come from NOT resisting things going into the mouth. You feel me?

Here we go:

#10  Hot dogs.

There is nothing as delicious as a good ol' kosher Hebrew National hot dog. Lawd. But at 10 to 15 grams of fat each and half of your daily allowance of salt?  It ain't that good, baby.

It's a no for me.

Even the turkey ones. Because the sodium in them all is horrid. I'd rather eat one full fat beef dog than a reduced fat turkey one. Because with the latter I just think, why? Rarely at a cook out, I will have a hot dog. But mostly, it's a no.

#9  Frozen drinks.

A 400 calorie beverage?  Uhhh, yeah. That's a no for me. All I can think of is the "every 100 calories = one mile" rule. I ask myself, "Is this four miles worth of yummy?"

Then I order a Mexican beer instead of that margarita.

Unless I'm on vacation or it's a skinny margarita. But mostly, it's a no.

#8  Chicken wings.

Sure I'll eat one or two flats. But I almost never order them for myself to just sit there and eat. Chicken wings are loaded with fat no matter how they are cooked. I'm talking a crap ton of fat.

Which, for me, makes them a buffalo NO.

#7  Baked white potato.

I could write a book on the white potato and the horrible blood sugar swings it causes. Wanna get your DONK up fast? Eat a potato. A white potato that is.

And yes. The red-skin ones count.

Your better bet is a sweet potato. For reals.

I was behind a woman in the cafeteria last week who was paying for her food. She opened the container and inside was a big ol' baked white potato. She had a little bit of sour cream on the side (just a little) and some broccoli and shredded cheese. That's it. And the cashier asked if she was on a diet, to which she said, "Yeah girl. I'm watching these hips!" Then she patted them. Which made her DONK almost shake onto my food tray.

Mmm hmmm.

Do you think I stayed in my lane?  Well? Do you?

Ha. I will keep you guessing.

#6  Random soda and juice consumption.

Come on, son. Not even worth it. I mean. . . just. . .why?Drinking calories? Yeah, that's a no.

#5  Cheesecake.

I like cheesecake. But I don't love it. Cheesecake is like Key Lime pie. You should eat it only if you ABSOLUTELY LOVE it. Otherwise, make it a 600 calorie NO.

And if you love it? Have it only in moderation. Don't let it up into your house or else you'll eat the whole thing.

#4 Muffins.

For the most part, they're a no for me. Since a muffin top is not the look I'm going for. Uhh, no 'tis not.

#3  Chik-fil-A milk shakes

Nearly one thousand calories. Not even kidding. Between that and the aftermath of combining it with my forty-something lactose intolerance? Lawd.  It's a no.

#2  Non-delicious pizza.

Pizza is hella-fattening. It just is. Yet a really, really good pizza is worth the damage and the things you have to do to make up for it. That said, certain pizzas are JUST NOT WORTH IT.

A real, true, legit Neopolitan pizza? Worth it. Some cold Papa Johns left over from your kids' play date? Not so much.

Take a bite. Ask yourself--is this absolutely DELICIOUS? Like four to five miles worth of DELICIOUSNESS? If not, it's a no.

Pizza Hut. No. Dominoes. No. Three-day-old pizza of any kind? Hell to the no.

Note: MOST pizza is not exceptional. Save your pizza consumption for those times when it is. Unless you want a DONK and a MUFFIN TOP.

#1  Croissants. 

Okay. Can I just tell you how much I personally love the taste of a heated up and yummy croissant? But dude. There is NOTHING about that food that justifies the fat-bomb it comes with. No way, no how. As a matter of fact, I mostly don't even let my kids have them.

Dead serious.

You know what makes croissants so delish? The fact that they drown every last thread of it in BUTTER and OIL. And then redrown it in some more. Just in time for you to slap some sausage and cheese on it and drown it even more.

Chile please.

It's a no. Matter of fact, it's a HELL to the no.



These girls make SMART choices. And they have the fit donks to prove it.

The bottom line: Food can be glorious. But. Some things just have to be an absolute no. Everything can't be a maybe or a sometimes if you ask me. You need some nos. Some absolute nos to balance out your hell yeses. Real talk, people.

And yes. Sh*t just got real. Again.


That's all I got today. Do you have a "no" list? What's on it?

 I wish these songs weren't on my mental iPod but they are. . . . ode to the "donks."


  1. First of all, I feel fortunate that I am gluten-free and vegetarian, so that knocks out about half of your list. The only thing that is truly a "no" on my list is Coca-Cola. I am addicted to it. I'm proud to say that I am 18 months "sober" from my Coke addiction. CFA milkshakes are maybe once a year and then I split it with the kids, 'cause they are so high in calories. I need to say "no" to chips and salsa, they are my weakness.

  2. Reminds me of my brother. He was a heavy kid and on weight watchers at 12 years old and he was committed. When people would offer him things not on his plan he would tell them he was allergic and if pressed for details he would explain they made him "breakout in fat".

    I'm with you on drinking calories, but will have to work on the "no list", my mind is still around "everything in moderation" which obviously hasn't worked or I wouldn't be where i am now.

    Baby steps. THanks for the encouragement as I toddle along.

  3. So I have to comment on the chicken wings being a crap ton of fat. That's so true. In addition to FRYING the chicken with the SKIN (i.e. added fat)on, they are soaked in a buffalo sauce made with vinegar, spice, and MELTED BUTTER. But just before eating, they are dipped in a CREAMY ranch or blue chesse dressing loaded with SATURATED FAT. OMG, my coronaries are screaming just thinking about it! But I do love them. And so, I stick to eating them very sparingly, and I like your idea of just having one or two. Love the SJGR posts!

  4. My #1 "It's a NO" is eating from any place that has a drive thru. Not that stand-alone establishments are any better but impulse buying - even with food - never really turns out well. Some of my LOVES are the white potato and adult beverages. *sigh* But I track every.single.thing I put in my mouth and if I want to partake in some wings or a drink, on occasion, then I make sure I hit it hard in the gym AND eat REALLY good for my other meals AND get my full amount of water in for the day. But yeah, I don't do that often. At all. Because being healthy is so much tastier than those things.

  5. Well, almost everything on your list is on mine...but cheese cake...the only way to make one not worth it for me is to put coffee in it. I only allow myself to have it on special days. Oh and today's my birthday so I will be having some cheese cake. And I'm betting that you crossed the median.

  6. I shed a tear because almost everything on your list should be on my list. I am not a big baked potato person but I consumed them probably every other way...sigh....

    However, I am adjusting my mindset and getting it together. Today is a new day!

  7. I am discouraged today...just seems like you really can't eat hardly anything ...calorie wise. I tell myself IT IS JUST FOOD but...I am 60...have maintained my weight for the last 5 years...but would still like to lose the last 10 pounds. I know I could maybe cut out 500 calories a day but seriously....what will be left? Going for a walk... I don't have a problem with my exercise but the fork ...every bite counts!

  8. From the deck of the Poop,

    I just looked down at my muffin top and decided that my top ten no list needs to be a top twenty no's if I to stay in the game. LOL I wasn't quite sure about the potato but I assumed that because it was discussed, it was a no. Great idea to have a no list. I will incorporate a "no, come hell or high water" list of five embedded in my list of ten.


  9. Thanks so much for this. I'm struggling right now with foods I know should be "no's" but eating them anyway for lack of other options. I know, my fault completely. I have preemie twin girls that are 4 months (1.5 months corrected) and by the time I wake up out of my feeding all night fog in the morning, all I really want is hot coffee and something sweet. That something sweet the last 3 days was Chips Ahoy. Yea, not my proudest moment. I'm going to commit to thinking about my no's and figuring out a breakfast option that I can make ahead that is nutritionally sound and filling so I'm not tempted to eat prepackaged garbage first thing in the morning. Thank you for the encouragment.

    1. Hi Rebecca. I'm going to get out of my lane here, and hope and pray that I'm not offending you. Believe me I'm not judging you. I've cared for preemies. You have a really hard job right now. Your body is under duress. I'm telling you, this is the kind of stress that makes people I'll. You need to nurture yourself. If all you want is sweet, there may be a reason for it. But you need that sweet to be nourishing as well. I mean a yogurt, or a smoothly as a meal or fruit. Something that will build you up because you have a lot on your plate right now. You need to be kind to yourself too.

    2. No kids. Can't even imagine preemies. But I like sweet for breakfast and have been using frozen blue berries, a big handful of oats, yogurt, almonds, and pumpkin seeds to satisfy that craving. It's fast, it's easy, you can make up a couple in a jar and put them in the fridge for the next day (jar is good for portion control). I find the oatmeal really fills me up and the blue berries are nice and sweet and the yogurt (non-fat) is a good medium for mixing it together. Best wishes

  10. White rice and regular pasta!! Almost never touch either of about empty starchy calories. I try to avoid bread too!

  11. just managed to touch on the biggest part of the problem for me right now. I'm getting used to the exercise (which I actually rather like now), but completely overhauling decades of bad eating habits is hard as hell! In the back of my head all I hear is my grandma (who's been gone for 22 years now, so the influence was strong indeed)giving me grief about junk food because she had type 2 DM and didn't want to see me get it. I always said if they could make veggies taste like chocolate I'd be that size 10 I ought to be, and I am only half kidding. I have some issues with food texture, too, which doesn't help. But I will keep at it, because I want to keep those numbers going in the right direction (in most cases, down) and I know it's working.


"Tell me something good. . . tell me that you like it, yeah." ~ Chaka Khan

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