Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Top Ten: The Hair Salon Inauguration Recap.


Oh man, y'all. So much has been going on in the world that I was absolutely delighted to discuss it all in the hair salon today. (From the perspective of the sistas getting their hair done, that is.) Clearly this warrants a top ten.


So. . . yeah. . . the inauguration. Yes. That. This was our hottest topic, of course. Once we got past the whole "We love President Obama" and "Isn't it wonderful to see him getting inaugurated on the Martin Luther King Holiday!" part, we moved straight into the absolutely, positively unimportant parts that we'd all saved up for the beauty shop. 

Therefore. Without further ado, I bring you:


Like to hear it? Here it go!

Note: Whenever I don't indicate who was speaking, it means that nearly everyone in earshot was chiming in. (Which is nearly all of the discussion points.)

Alrighty then. . . . .



"What y'all think about them bangs?"

"What bangs?"

"Michelle's bangs."

"Oh. Those. I think they were fine. Not as big a deal as everyone made out of them, though. But fine."

"Girrrrl, you TRIPPIN'! I thought they was BANGIN'!"


Stylist: "Did you see your boy Bill eyeballing Kelly Clarkston when she came on that stage?"

Client #1: "Girrrrl! No! What did he do, girl?"

Stylist: "That man about broke his neck when that girl walked out!"

Client #2 (across room): "That's his type you know."

Me:  "His type? Say what?"

Client #2: "Yeah, girl. That's cause Kelly kinda thick. Sorta like Hillary and Monica."

Me:  >_<



"Damn! Doesn't Hillary Clinton have some contact lenses? Did you see her with them Coke bottles on? Poor Bill."

"That's jacked up. You know she just had a clot on her brain!"

"What's that got to do with her putting in some contacts or at least getting some new glasses?"

"You're going to hell."

"And so is Hillary's stylist." 


"Let's discuss whether or not Miss Beyonce was mouthing or singing live."

"No! First we have to discuss what she had on and her hair!"

"I thought she looked nice."

"I thought she looked extra."


"Hell yeah. Why was she giving us sequins and sparkles and big hair at the daytime inauguration? I mean, she was giving us red carpet and Golden Globes and it just wasn't even called for."

"I agree! And you know the only reason she took that ear prompter out when she was singing was 'cause it was irritating her with that big ass emerald earring in her ear."

"No, guys.  I actually think it was because she was trying to hear better when she sang."

(side-eye glance) "Hmmph. You can believe that if you want."

"Girl! Where is you goin' in that ball gown?!"

"I'm with you, girl. She walked out and I was thinking, 'Uhhhh, Dreamgirls called. They want their dress back." 




Me:  "Well? Who thinks she was lip syncing?

Sister-getting-a-relaxer:  "You know what I think?"

Me: "What's that?"

Sister-getting-a-relaxer:  "I think Beyonce is a bad ass b@%h and it don't matter what she did."

Me:  "I heard that!"

Sister-getting-a-relaxer:  "Did you see how she walked up there looking all around like a diva when that music came on? She was giving us Diana Ross, Aretha Franklin and Barbra Streisand!" (looks around and bats lashes.)

Me: "I know that's right!" 

Stylist:  "It totally looked live to me."

Sister-getting-hair-shampooed (yelling over rushing water):  "Well you know what I think? I think it just made me want to hear the Whitney Houston version from the Super Bowl. That's all it did for me."

Me:  "Now Whitney Houston definitely lip synced." 

Sister-getting-hair-shampooed (still hollering like she's deaf): "Yeah, but she was Whitney so she could do whatever the hell she wanted to do!"

*Everyone sits in quiet reflection for a bit trying to recall the Whitney performance. *

Everybody nodding and in unison:  "Yeah. . . Whitney pretty much killed it."


"Who else besides me fell asleep when dude was reading that poem?"

"Okay. Now you really, really going to hell."

#4  JAY Z


"It woulda been hot if Jay Z got up there and spit a few rhymes instead of the Star Spangled Banner. Bet nobody woulda been accusing him of lip syncing then!"

"And Barack coulda jumped in and free styled."

"Yeah. That woulda been hot."


"Girrrrl! Did y'all see how Barack was looking at Michelle in that red dress?"

"He was looking like, 'It's 'bout to be ON when we leave here.'"

"Y'all are disgusting."

"Oh come on! Everyone knows that dressing up in black tie puts you in the mood."

"True dat."

"Yeah. That and waking up the morning after a big argument."

*everyone nodding their heads*



Client #1: "While we talkin' about dresses, don't sleep on Tipper in her dress. She was killin' em in that blue bias cut!"

Stylist:  "Yeah, girl. And you know bias cuts are totally unforgiving."

Client #1: "Totally! They show every lump, bump, nook and cranny! She was workin' it, though."

Client #2:  "Mmm hmmm."

Client #1:  "I was like, 'Tipper, boo, you DID that!'"

Me:  "Uhhhh, am I the only one who's tripping off of you calling her 'Tipper' and not 'Jill?'  Uhhh, Tipper was Gore's wife."

Client #1:  "Oh, hell. Y'all knew what I meant."

Client #2:  "Didn't she have blonde hair, too?"

Me:  0_0

#1  UH OH, UH OH, UH OH!

"I love me some Michelle. Lord knows I do. But can I just go on the record and admit that I look at her husband in ways that she wouldn't like. For real, girl."

*high fives all around*

"Especially with that gray hair he has now. Girrrrrl."

"I know that's right. If I was at that ball she would have been like, 'Who is this broad hunching all up on my husband like that?'"


"I wouldn't go near that dude."

*heads swing in the direction of person speaking*

"Yeah, he's fine and all, but Michelle from the south side of Chicago. And have you seen her arms? She'll kick somebody's ass if they get up in her man's face."


"When Beyonce walked up, Michelle was all like, 'Why you got to be all hugging and kissing all on my man and just giving Joe Biden the nod?'"

"Ha ha ha! I bet that's what she said in Beyonce's ear when she got up close to her."

"It is! This is what she said:

Beyonce: "Yes, ma'am."
 (teeth gritted) 

"Loook, little girl. I'm from the south side o'Chicago and I will s-natch you up by that weave if you pull some mess like that again! Do you hear me?" 


See? I told you that there's never a dull moment in the beauty shop. Never, not ever. Ha ha ha!

Yeah, so that's what we were talking about. What were y'all talking about that had zero relevance or importance regarding this monumental moment in time?

Good times, y'all.

Happy Wednesday.

And here's Miss Whitney lip syncing and killing it--simultaneously.

And yes, Miss Beyonce--personally, I loved your rendition. But I have to agree with my shampoo bowl sister. . .something about hearing you sing that day made me wish for Whitney in her warm up suit a little bit, too.


* Michelle and the Boehner eyeroll. Hee hee.
* Whether or not Michelle Obama's bangs were cut or just clip ins."
* How fun it seems like Joe Biden is to have around
* Whether or not Michelle's mama spanks the girls when they act up
* Why Hillary hasn't gotten Lasik eye surgery yet
* How Jennifer Hudson manages to get such high profile gigs all the time
* How Michelle Obama needs to give Condoleezza her hair stylist's contact information


  1. I agree that Beyonce's outfit was ridiculous, but I enjoyed her "singing," whether it was real or not.

    I loved Michelle's bangs, but I hated her fake eyelashes, and I didn't much like the red dress.

    I loved the poet -- loved, loved the poet.

    I love that Hillary Clinton wears glasses and doesn't give a shit about her style. I truly love that about her.

    That's some funny stuff, Grady Doctor, and I wish I'd been a fly on the wall --

  2. Dang Dr. Manning, I thought I was the only one asking "Why didn't "Beyawn" give Vice-President Biden any love?"

  3. Heading to work, laughing out loud!

  4. From the deck of the poop,
    If the PoopDeck had been off up in the salon I woulda said, "Michelle's bangs were the bomb and that red dress got me stirred up" and " Mr. President, you'd better bring your A- game home with you tonight". And y'all girls, Beyonce is so fine the men didn't even notice the singing, we were just envy ole JAY-Z.
    Nuff said

  5. I wish with all my heart that I could be, for a few hours at least, one of the sisters in the hair salon with y'all. I think I would laugh so much that my face would hurt. And I would have to chime in too. Our president and his wife are both so gorgeous and it's such a pleasure to watch them be gorgeous people. Do you know what I mean?
    So yes, yes, yes, and a whole bunch of yeses, even on the Joe Biden looking like fun to be around thing.

  6. 1. Beyonce lip-synced. She decided to at the last minute, because she didn't have a chance to rehearse with the military band.
    2. WHO CARES??? LOL! Y'all know that girl can SANG!
    3. I love the bangs, the red dress & the salt n pepper POTUS. She could have come out in a brown paper bag for all I care.
    4. Loved Malia & Sasha taking pictures while watching the parade.
    5. My take on Hillary? She does not give two flying 'frogs' what people think about her... and I love it! She probably said, "it's a long day, and I'm not fooling with these contacts. Let's go, Bill!"
    6. J-Hud coming up right now AND being from Chicago? Best thing EVER for her! LOL!
    7. Seen on Twitter: "If I was Beyonce, I'd record myself cussing all y'all out. Then I'd play it back and lip sync the cuss. #ReadMyLips". LMAO!!!

    Have a great day!


  7. I'm glad I wasn't in the salon when y'all were crackin' on Bey. By the time I got finished cuttin' the t-total fool, y'all woulda been like, "Who is this crazy heffa?"

    I love me some Beyonce... but yeah, that dress WAS kinda bent over, though.

  8. UPS decided to noty air the speech on the monitors this year,so I didn't see it. Though I agree with dj, who cares if she lip synced. We do all know she can sing.

  9. I heart Hillary.
    I do not heart Beyonce .
    Whitney Houston lip synced that version of The National Anthem ? Say what, now !?

    Maria, fellow Meharrian

  10. This post cracked me up. And so did your Dad's. Like Ms Moon, I wish I could be at your salon because I would have laughed until my sides hurt. I am neutral on the bangs, love the red dress, think Condoleeza needs the hair contact info, and think Hillary gets a pass because of her recent illness regarding the contact. However, generally, that woman needs a stylist BAD.

  11. Gotta stick up for my girl Bey! She did sing live...she used a stem and sang along with the pre-recorded track. Either way though...she's a BOSS!! Love this top ten!


  12. LOL, hilarious, even more so because I had pretty much the same convos with my girlfriends as we connected all week. Another hot topic was the Obama girls on camera with their "gangsta" faces, photobombs and mostly how beautiful they are and well adjusted they seem.


"Tell me something good. . . tell me that you like it, yeah." ~ Chaka Khan

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