Saturday, January 19, 2013

How it got there.

 Urine Specimen Cup

"When we checked your urine drug screen, there was cocaine in it. It's possible that cocaine can work against your heart and may explain why you had that pain in your chest."

"That just can't be possible. I haven't had no drugs, Miss Manning. I promise I haven't."

"Okay. Well, look. Usually the drug screen is positive if you've had cocaine in the last seven days. Somehow, some way your body has gotten cocaine in it in the last seven days."

"Somebody must have slipped it in my drink!"

"Cocaine? In a drink?" I felt my eyes rolling and immediately realized how incredulous and exasperated that last statement sounded. My mouth was already two beats away from saying, "Dude. Do I look stupid to you?" I wiped my face and sighed to regroup. Because that wasn't really the most appropriate approach.

Or the most professional one.

"I need new friends. Why would they do this to me? Put cocaine in my drink like that and almost kill me?"

My eyes wanted to roll so, so bad. My lips wanted to curl, my hand wanted to perch on my hip, and damn, my backbone wanted to slip. I stared at him and he stared back. His eyes were shifting and his body language was nervous. He'd initially presented himself as one who was vehemently against all drugs. Like, no way, no how would he ever have anything to do with them. I realized what I was seeing now. He was embarrassed.


"You know what, sir?  I am thinking that it's probably not easy to have people asking you about things like crack cocaine and all of this stuff when you don't feel good. I've never tried cocaine, but I think I'd feel funny about telling people if I had." He furrowed his brow. I got to what I was trying to say. "My point is that I just want you to get better. And I want to be honest. So--real talk--some cocaine could have made your chest hurt. Your stress test and everything look okay so we don't need to do more. And really, the part about how cocaine got near you is personal. I just needed to talk to you about it because it factored into our decision making."

He nodded. "I feel you."

"Good. I want you to be nicer to your body. Your heart doesn't like cocaine. However it got there, your heart doesn't like it."

"It is weird for somebody to ask you if you did some crack."

"I can see that."

"It's not really my thing. I mean, not now it isn't."

"Okay. That's cool."

"I like how you talk to people."

"That's a kind thing to say. I appreciate that."

"I'm gon' take better care of myself. Make some better choices."

"I'm glad."

I shook his hand hard and smiled.  Because this time I believed him.

Happy Saturday.


  1. Damn you're a good person. And just reading your blog helps me remember to be one too!

  2. And I like the blog label (lots of your blog labels, actually) as much as the story!

  3. shoot, I like the way you talk to people too!!!! You accept Kaiser???? lol

  4. What an awesome way to handle this. I'm hoping that I will remember this when I am a doctor myself one day.

  5. From the deck of the Poop,

    I guess I missed it.



"Tell me something good. . . tell me that you like it, yeah." ~ Chaka Khan

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