Thursday, January 10, 2013

Thursday morning run.

I woke up this morning early.
Early, early.

For a bit I watched my three bears sleeping.
First the Papa Bear.
Then the baby bears.

The house was quiet.
Dark, too.

I made some coffee. Then, I laced up my shoes and covered myself with things to reflect light.
Because that's what you are supposed to do when the sun isn't up yet.


Drank my coffee, did some stretching and then out the door and into the air.
No music today. Just the rhythm of my feet striking the pavement and the thoughts in my head.

I organized a lecture.
Made a shopping list.
Started building my slideset for that lecture.
And even wrote a letter of recommendation.

All in my head on that early morning run.

Then I was done with that and it got quiet.
Very quiet.
I could see Deanna's face. Laughing at my kitchen table.
At me. With me.
So I ran and I cried.
I sure did.

Ran and ran.
And cried and cried.

Thursday. It was a Thursday when that new normal started.
So yeah. I ran faster.
And I cried as much as I wanted.

Sure did.

And I felt good and strong while I did.
Good. Strong. Fine.
My heart was getting stronger physically and emotionally
It was.
It is.

Then I came home and roused the three bears.
This time the baby bears first.
And last, the Papa bear.

I told them I loved them and then told them one more time.

Now I'm telling you the same thing in case no one else has today.

Good morning. I feel good today. I hope you do, too.



  1. Oh my...I remember doing that when my dad passed away...running and crying...running and crying. Literally brought me to my knees a couple of times ...but it helps. Be gentle with yourself..

  2. I too love a good cleansing/healing keep running and keep crying!!! God has not promised peace without pain, joy without sorrow, nor sun without rain. But he did promise us strength for the day, grace for the trials, and light for the way. I continue to pray for you and your entire family.

  3. When you're giving a lecture to a packed hall, and everyone's eyes are on you, and Deanna throws open the doors, marches down to the front row and takes a seat right in front of you, you'll swallow, refocus and continue your lecture without anyone being the wiser.

    I don't care what you're doing, giving a lecture or running before dawn, Deanna will show up. And soon you'll be so accustomed to her showing up, that handling it will be second nature. My sister, this is the new normal.

  4. I love you too.
    this post was wonderful and inspiring and it made me want to get up early and have some me time for my brain and my heart. Maybe tomorrow.

  5. I am sending you so much love right now! I hope you can feel it. You are running down paths that are so familiar to me, oh so so familiar. The wound will grow into a scar, a large scar, but hidden from most, it will still ache on occasion, and you will run your imaginary fingers across it, and one day you will notice that there are no more tears, only the smiles will remain. I know you know this, but please allow me to affirm it again - you will grow through this, you will heal through this. Please continue to be gentle and caring towards yourself.

  6. A beautiful piece on so many levels...

  7. Keep running towards that inner strength.

    Maria, fellow Meharrian

  8. Running = therapy! (The cheap kind!).

  9. Running = therapy! (The cheap kind!).

  10. I miss my friend...-Renee


"Tell me something good. . . tell me that you like it, yeah." ~ Chaka Khan

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