Thursday, November 21, 2013

Team S.J.G.R. Thursday Huddle #20: No day but today.

The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn

There is no future
There is no past

Thank God this moment's not the last

There's only us
There's only this

Forget regret-- 
or life is yours to miss.

No other road
No other way

No day but today

There's only yes
Only tonight

We must let go
To know what is right

No other course

No other way
No day but today

 I can't control
My destiny

I trust my soul

My only hope
is just to be

There's only now
There's only here

Give in to love
Or live in fear

No other path

No other way

No day but today

No day but today

No day but today

No day but today 

~ from the Broadway musical "RENT" by Jonathan Larson


Here's what I do when I don't feel like being kind to my body. I inventory all of the reasons that I have to live. And when I do I feel motivated to at least try. 

You know? The musical "RENT" had so many great songs but this one was always my favorite. Even more than Seasons of Love and La Vie Boheme.  I've heard it playing on my mental iPod many times since I first saw the show -- and have heard it even more since November 15, 2012. 

I can't fully control my destiny. But there are some things that I can at least work at. And I while I am working at being my best me, I can also recognize that this life that I have right now is a good one. Like, I won't spend so much time trying to revise myself that I forget to live. But I also don't want to squander the life I've been given by ignoring what I know can make my life healthier and better. 

Does that even make sense?

Maybe. Maybe not. You know. You know how much I miss my sister and how much it hurts sometimes to even look at her photograph. But then I think about our time together and feel so glad that I have not a single regret. Not one. At least, not about the "us" part. We made those days count. We did. And I'm so, so glad for that. But now I've changed. Like. . .now I am a person who has not only a father who has had heart disease but a person who lost her 44 year old sister to heart disease, too. I can't not fight cardiovascular disease with all of my might every day. I can't. I can't be fair to my boys and my BHE and my patients and my students and mySELF if I just keep on chugging along like nothing has changed. Things have changed. So I keep living my life with zeal, yes. But also with my eyes wide open and aware of the fact that shit just got real. And then I go harder. 

Tonight I was watching Zachary dance in the bathroom and was tickling Isaiah at the same time. Harry was at the sink brushing his teeth and all of it was so mundane and right. And so. I quietly said to myself, "There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret--or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way--no day but today."

It grounded me in that moment. And you know? I immediately wanted to run or do something kind for my body. Because I want as many moments like this as I can possibly have. And no, I don't know my appointed hour but I also know that there are some things I can do to not nudge the process along.

Sigh. I'm rambling, I know. 

But whenever you feel denial setting in and hear those excuses rising up mighty, just say it to yourself over and over again. . . "No day but today." 

No day but today. To start over. To keep going. To congratulate yourself. To cut yourself some slack. To be honest with yourself. To be kinder to yourself. To do better. To be better. To live better. To love better. To recognize the realness and operate accordingly.

No day but today.

That's all I got, team. You know your excuses. Fight them with all of your might. Because even if you don't,  shit is still realer than real.


Happy Everyday.
 Now playing on my mental iPod. . . . the original movie soundtrack version. . . .

And this one, too. I love this peaceful acoustic version by Idina Menzel from the Original Broadway Cast. Even though it makes me cry.


  1. Um... Yeah. Tag this as one I would like...scratch that-- one I would LOVE! Especially today, because I put extra weight on my bar for BodyPump! I may even try some intervals outdoors this weekend! Let's do this, Miz!!!


  2. Love this post. I'm nearing the end of my Medicine clerkship and I. Am. Tired. Mentally and physically. My shelf is next week, I can't seem to do anything right, I had a younger student come to me distraught about the same inclusion/diversity issues I had four years ago as a MS1, and it was just all getting to me. Basically i was having an acute case of #SJGR. I either heard or read somewhere yesterday to "be kind to yourself". Yesterday I (miraculously) got off early, so I unplugged, closed the books, put on one of my favorite podcasts and went on a long run in the cool, post rain afternoon. And I've been on cloud 9 ever since.

  3. I can hear that song in my head. It's perfect. And you are so wise to pay attention to all the small and right moments. Your boys are so full of light.


"Tell me something good. . . tell me that you like it, yeah." ~ Chaka Khan

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