Thursday, February 14, 2013

The music never ends.

How do you keep the music playing?
How do you make it last?

How do you keep the song from fading
too fast?

How do you lose yourself to someone
and never lose your way?

How do you not run out of new things
to say?

And since you know we're always changing
How can it be the same?

And tell me how year after year
You're sure your heart will fall apart 

Each time you hear his name?

I know the way I feel for you is now or never 

The more I love, the more that I'm afraid 

That in your eyes I may not see forever. . . .forever. . .

If we can be the best of lovers 

Yet be the best of friends

If we can try with every day to make it better as it grows 

 With any luck then I suppose 

The music never ends. 

~ lyrics by LeGrand/Bergman


Not because it's Valentine's Day, but in spite of it. I need the world to know that on days other than this one, there are folks trying with every day to make it better and to keep the music playing. Not just on Hallmark holidays, but all year round.

I love my husband. I love him for loving me right in front of my boys every single day. I love him for the fighting chance he is giving them at feeling whole and deserving of love. I love him for rushing home today from a busy, busy day at his newest business venture--not because he thought I so much needed it, but because he thinks it's important for him "to show his sons how to treat the person they love." So that meant coming home and giving them flowers and balloons to give Mommy.

Just like he does every year.

"You have to make sure she feels special every day. But on certain days, you can make it even more special, okay?"

That's what he says and they believe it. In fact, they believe just about every word that comes out of his mouth. So I'm also glad that he's got common sense and isn't a damn fool.

Yeah, I said it.

Hindsight is 20/20. When I was waiting for the BHE, I was so tired of it. I wanted it now. I wanted to plan my wedding and have my babies. I was furious with fate for having me graduate medical school and finish residency as a single woman. In fact, I was more than furious. I was exhausted.

I'd go places and spend time with people who didn't really deserve my time. Listen to their blah-blah-blah and try to force myself to feel what wasn't there. And that sucked.

Finally, I got exhausted enough to say, "I'm just going to do me." Which meant, even if I was going to ride this life out on a solo mission, I refused--absolutely REFUSED--to be:

a. miserable.
b. dealing with somebody who didn't deserve my time.
c. fretful.
d. that woman who is constantly wah-wah-waaaah-ing about singlehood over thirty.

And that's what I did. Did me. And prayed some, too.

Shortly after that I met Harry. And let me tell you something -- I knew that I had CAME UP (no, not come up, I meant to say CAME UP) on something really, really good from that first moment we met. I promise myself every single day that I won't forget it or take one second of our time together for granted.

And I don't. Ever, not never.

Me? I got a testimony. I am patting my chest and walking through a crowd of angry, tired, jaded people. And standing up for love. Pointing my finger in their faces and saying that no, we ain't perfect, but dammit we are trying with every day to keep our music playing. Sometimes our record skips, but we are trying, man. With every day. And I just have to believe that there are others out there doing the same.

There's also somebody, somewhere wishing someone exactly like you would be the other part to their two part harmony, too. YES. Somebody who wants to treat you nice. All the time. And call you back consistently and not just after ten P.M. And who truly likes your company. In private and in public. YES. And who doesn't mind that you are WIDE open about how much your heart falls apart each time you hear his or her name.

And if they AREN'T all of these things, tell them to KICK ROCKS. And DO YOU until that person shows up. And if the person is kind of this way but not all the way ready, tell them to KICK ROCKS and still DO YOU until either the right person turns up or that person gets it together. But no Mr. or Ms. In-between. NUH-NO.


If you DO have somebody? Man. Fight. Fight to keep your music playing. Keep the climate cozy and warm. I believe that good people can do bad things when they don't have basic needs met. So pay attention. Keep the thermostat in the right place and check it often. That way nobody goes looking for an extra fan or a little space heater on the side.

Mmm hmmm.

Uggh. I'm rambling.

Damn. Do I sound preachy? I don't mean to. I just feel like love needs defense sometimes. So that's what I'm doing. Defending love, man. And encouraging somebody because I know I've said it twelve trillion times, but I need to say it again. I was NOT lucky in love before I met Harry. And this lady once told me when I was crying about being single and how there was nobody out there -- she simply said that, "All you're looking for is one person." Which now I know was a good word if I ever heard one.

Yeah, it was.

Just one. And what a relief. Imagine if you needed to find like six? Or twelve? Talk about some pressure. Imagine an Easter Egg hunt where all you had to find was one egg? You wouldn't even mind if they hid them a little better, would you?

What the hell am I even talking about? I don't know. I just love my husband. That I do know. On Valentine's Day and all the random ones in between.


That's all I got for tonight. I wish easy and authentic love to each and every one of you. More than your hands, head and heart can even hold.

And I mean that.

Feliz Dia de San Valentin!

Now playing. . . . my favorite version of this song. . .James Ingram featuring Patti Austin. . .


  1. This was a beautiful post and gave me, as a single person, hope.
    Thank you for that. Sweet Jo

  2. I love that song and I love what you wrote. So true. And no matter how painful it feels to be single it is infinitely better than being with somebody just because it is "better than being alone".

  3. Right on time and much appreciated.

    Maria, fellow Meharrian

  4. Never EVER settle!! If I have done nothing else in my entire life we have taught our daughter how to love...and she does and we do and I am proud of all of us! Happy Valentime Day!!

  5. We who are lucky and who know we are lucky...well, we're lucky.

  6. Such a gorgeous post, I am happily single after a wonderful marriage that became not so wonderful. I needed to hear your words, especially these...
    "There's also somebody, somewhere wishing someone exactly like you would be the other part to their two part harmony, too. YES. Somebody who wants to treat you nice. All the time. And call you back consistently and not just after ten P.M. And who truly likes your company. In private and in public. YES. And who doesn't mind that you are WIDE open about how much your heart falls apart each time you hear his or her name."
    My prayer to God has been to send me someone that doesn't complete me, because I am already a whole lotta good stuff, I want and need someone to complement me (and also compliment me). Valentine's Day for me is just another day where I just amp up my love for humankind and myself (did an amazing session of hot yoga in the middle of a weekday! as my gift to myself). Keep on writing and sharing the good words of life and love and struggle. Blessings.

    1. Can I tell you that I have shared this favorite paragraph of yours no less than 5 times this week? Just shared it with another friend who is hurting from an unrequited crush. Thanks for your words that can help.

  7. Sweet! And now I shall be humming "When Somebody Loves You Back" all day as that is the song that popped into my head as I read this. Hope y'all had a lovely Valentine's Day!

  8. This is beautiful. And has already been echoed it's hopeful as well. So many good things about love were expressed here.

  9. What a beautiful post as much about the power of patience, prayer, and faith as it is about the power of love!

  10. Awww, you made me cry - again. I got lucky too, but I was unlucky for a long time before I found him. I better appreciate him more, huh?

    Wishing you many more years together. And your boys, they have grown so much.

    So much love in these pictures, and watching them to this song....sniff, sniff.

  11. i love every word of this, but i especially love your BHE teaching his sons how to treat the one they love special every day and show it extra on some days. wow. you lucky woman, you have three valentines!

  12. In August, I went through a terrible break up with my now-ex fiancée. For the longest time, I've wanted nothing to do with couples. No one is ever really happy anyway. But it's been such a blessing to see the way you write about Harry and to see how clear in love you two are, even after years and kids and life. God is using you through this blog, and it's beautiful.

  13. Wow. How do you know exactly what to say and when to say it? I really needed to hear this right now. You will never know how much your words impacted me today. Thank you!


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