Friday, February 1, 2013

Pipeline.



I missed you in waves this week
Sometimes the little kind
that lap at your ankles
leaving foamy bubbles
over fluorescent-colored pedicures

But then there were the big ones
Building story tall ones
that surfer guys get excited over
but that lifeguards put red flags out for

Yeah
those kind

This week there was so much 
So much I wanted to tell you
Or rather ask you
I needed your influence
your insight
your encouragement
I needed your counsel
and your advice
Yes, I acutely needed those things
this week especially

From you
more than anyone else

Not because of some major catastrophe
No
but more because of little, everyday things
that were stacking up
The kinds of things that you always helped me with
in small doses over kitchen tables
and text messages
without either of us thinking about it

I wanted your perspective
Yours
So I had to dig into my heart
to find it where you'd left it
But every time I did
I could feel the tide rising higher and higher

First, at my feet
Then growing and growing
Knocking me down
and threatening to engulf me
suffocate me

But then I got up
dusted the sand off of me
Yes, I got up
Just like you'd tell me to do
And so I did
and so I do

Wade out into it
Head up and facing the horizon
shoulders back
heart pounding
but with confidence, belief

The kind you always gave me
You, especially you

Out I paddle
further and further
I hear you in my ear
You got this, sissy
You got this
And I believe you, I do

I brace myself and feel the wave coming
strong, mighty
building story high and just as intimidating
but this time I won't be knocked down
I remember and I feel you differently
hear you clearly

You got this, sissy
You got this

Up
Up on my feet
hands splayed to keep my balance
heart still beating wildly
salty air and water against my face
I take that wave on
and ride it unafraid

And now I know
now more than ever, I know
that you were a part of my pipeline
so those waves are okay
the ones that roll over my feet
and the ones that curl and crash into the surf

Yes
You were a part of my pipeline
and you always will be

I got this, sissy
I got this

***
Happy Friday.

14 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And thank you for always sharing yours.

      Delete
  2. I love the way you love your Sis. The way you let that come rolling out in this kickass poem. x0x0 N2

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for saying that and for understanding my love for my sister.

      Delete
  3. Again, I ask... Give a sista a heads up! You know I get settled at my desk & read your blog to start my day. Now I'm a hot mess!
    I love you, Sissy. I'm just a phone call away. Any time. I will listen and try...

    Xoxo,
    Biz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are already a part of my pipeline, too.

      Delete
  4. Awesome. Just Awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is so the reason I was grateful for the luxury of time after losing my dad...sometimes I think they had it right a long time ago of hanging a wreath on the door for mourning...take care...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Such an honest, true and beautiful expression of self through words. Your words never seem to fail...

    Yes, you got this Dr. M! You're yet holdin on...so keep on keepin on, and know that you and your family are still being covered with prayers from those whose lives you have touched through your words...

    Charisma, MSM M4

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I so very appreciate your encouragement, Charisma.

      Delete
  7. Keep surfing. Keep swimming.

    Xoxo

    Maria, fellow Meharrian

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will. I am.

      Kimberly, fellow Meharrian

      Delete

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