Sunday, April 3, 2011

Boy. . .Genius!

Cows from the national ad campaign for chicken fast food giant "Chick-fil-A"

Fact: Doctors are competitive by nature. This is a necessary evil needed to get through med school. But. Just because you're competitive doesn't mean you have to be obnoxious.

Case in point:

One day I was tying Isaiah's shoe for him in the park. This random mom sitting on a nearby bench looks over and says to me in the world's most irritatingly one-uppity voice:

Her: "Oh, he doesn't tie his own shoes? How old is he, like five?"

Me: (giving her the world's HAIRIEST eyeball, especially because Isaiah heard her.)

Her: "This little guy has been tying his shoes and buckling himself in since he was barely four!"

(Points to her child prodigy who is sliding head first down the slide and two seconds from busting his head wide open.)

Me: (Fake-est smile ever) Oh. . . .well maybe next time I'll get him to tie my son's shoe."

Her: (Fake-est laugh ever while turning her back from the crazy lady.)

Okay. Now fast forward to this conversation I had with Isaiah in the car a couple of weeks ago:

Isaiah: "Hey Mom!"

Me: "Yes, Isaiah?"

Isaiah: "You want to hear something really, really funny?"

Me: "Definitely!"

Isaiah: (already snorting and giggling) "Okay, so you know how Chick-Fil-A is chicken?"

Me: "Yep. Yummy chicken."

Isaiah: "But you know, how actually even though it is chicken they always have those silly cows sneaking around?" (Love it when kids discover and overuse the word "actually.")

Me: "Umm. . . .yes, now that you mention it."

Isaiah: "Well. . . . it's because a cow is actually beef and actually they want you to 'eat more chicken' so they are plotting so you won't eat their beef! Isn't that funny Mommy?" (snorting, giggling, and totally beside himself.)

Me: (nodding my head with smug-proud-mama-my-child-is-so-a-genius smirk)


I WILL return to that park and find that snooty mom with her shoe-tying boy. And when I do (unless Harry is there, of course) I'm gonna walk up on her and circle around her, shoulders all up, hands all splayed and pointing with every third syllable, and eyes all crazy looking her up and down saying:

"What-what?!? CHICK-FIL-A, bay-beeee!! Unnnhhhhh!!!! What yo' son know about a COW being BEEF?!? Mmmm-hmmm!! I didn't THINK so! We ABSTRACT over here, boo! AB-STRACT. We tie together facts and string together ideas, ya FEEL me?!"


Now that I think of it, that might get me arrested. But I was pretty proud of my son for that one. (Even if he can't tie his own shoe yet.)

By golly, the kid is learning something


Happy Sunday.


  1. I love it! Nothing quite as annoying as the arrogant mothers at the park. Even better is knowing your child is doing just fine.

  2. Obviously, that woman has no life beyond her child's shoe-tying capabilities.
    But frankly, I like your first remark to her very, very much.

  3. he's smarter than me- really- EVERY time i see those adds- i literally have to pause and remind myself "ok- what is the deal with the cows- they're trying to get me to eat chicken- oh right!' but for the record---i tied my shoes at 3 :)

  4. Ah! People actually do that??! You had a good comeback gosh I don't know what I would have said. Probably "lady mind your f-ing business." Haha! Not appropriate?? ;)

  5. If it makes you feel better, my certified top 2% boys learned to tie their own shoes around age 8. For 2 reasons: 1. I didn't think it was that essential of a skill to teach them, they tied plenty of rope, string, etc. making all kinds of contraptions around the house and had pretty good fine motor coordination with all the writing and painting and drawing; 2. most of their shoes were the slip-on kind.

    One is now pushing into teens and the other is just at the age when he figured out how to tie his own shoes, on his own, a little while ago. I find that the challenge of figuring out how to do it first (rather than be shown step-by-step) is good for their brains. Be proud of your non-shoe-tying son, he will be far more resourceful, creative and capable! ;)

  6. Ms. Moon pointed me here. She has great taste. This post cracked me up.



  7. now that's some good, entertaining reading :o)

  8. Hilarious! Love your comebacks - real and imagined.

    My kiddo just started tying her own shoes and she's six. One day, she just sat down and tied them. Like everything else, they do it in their own time.

  9. Let her know, doc :)!!! Too funny.

  10. Can you beat box too?
    That would rock.

  11. I totally sympathize. A "friend" once tried to one up me about when her daughter got her period. Really? Like that is in any way under her (or your) control???? We have to be competitive about normal biological functions??? I was speechless and just shook my head and walked away. 15 yrs later, I am still shaking my head!

  12. You can still buy shoes with laces?!


"Tell me something good. . . tell me that you like it, yeah." ~ Chaka Khan

Related Posts with Thumbnails