Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Friend: "What on earth is this photo that you just texted me?"
Me: "That's my new whip!"
Friend: "What I saw in that picture was not a whip. Please tell me you didn't."
Me: "I got a minivan."
Friend: *yelps* "Wow.You have got to be shitting me."
Friend: "No way. Dude. Seriously. You really went and got a minivan?"
Me: "It's so tricked out, too."
Friend: "Lord Jesus. You know I love you, right? But you lose like 375 million cool points for this move. No. That's 375 trillion."
Me: "That's quite a cool point deficit."
Friend: "Uhhhh, yeah."
Me: "But see . . here's the thing: The woman behind the wheel defines what cool is. Not what wheel she's behind. You feel me?"
Friend: 0_0 *silence*
Both of us: **HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER**
Me: "You're a hater."
Friend: "I'm never meeting you out anywhere again. Especially if they have a valet."
Me: "Alright now. Don't ask me to pick up your kids. Or you. I mean it."
Friend: "Uhhhh. . . . Don't worry."
I need new friends, man.
Yeah, so I got my swagger wagon today. Sure did. Yahoooooo! I told the BHE what I had in mind and he and the kids went to go pick one out.
Have I ever told you how car dealership negotiations give me the willies? Oh. Well, they do. So God love that man for doing that and those sweet boys for being all excited about listening to pitches and spiels and reviewing bells and whistles and all that. I didn't even want to be test driving anything. I just wanted to show up, try it once and roll out.
Which is exactly what happened.
Well. As I dreamed about way back in 2011 with this post (and also this post), it is as awesome as I imagined. Automatic doors, rear entertainment system and even a real, legit AC plug outlet in back--I kid you not. Super, duper rad, man.
Let the record show: I will never get out of my car to open the door for a child again. Like, ever.
Oh, and man or lady at Publix who asks if I'd like help with my groceries? That's a yes. Because I'm gonna post up in my captain's chair talking to my husband on the bluetooth phone while my non oppressive amount of groceries gets loaded into the surprisingly vast amount of cargo space available with just the push of a button.
And don't even get my started with the keyless entry, y'all. Chile please.
What can I say? I am a marcher to my own trial subscription of Siri XM Radio. Hate if you wish. But don't be jealous when you see me rolling past you in the carpool lane looking all zen. With my grey hair, my minivan and my laptop charging in the back through a bona fide plug.
I'm just saying.
Happy HUMP DAY!