Saturday, August 30, 2014

Saturday Selfie of the Week: Football Mama

Football Mama Selfie, mean mug sold separately.

Football is such a funny culture. Gone are the days of cheering for the other kids on the opposing team "just to be nice." We TURN UP--specifically for our own team. Ha ha. And if you play ball anywhere in Atlanta, Georgia? Multiply that energy by a million.

Chile please.

Ha ha ha. I just love it. Matter of fact, I wrote a little quick top ten about it.

Like to hear it? Here it go!


*Warning: Stop reading here if being exposed to my alter ego will traumatize you. #dontjudgeme

10. You have a pack of raffle tickets in your purse and two more packs in your glove box. And you have NO problem asking any and everybody to buy one. Or some. Or all of them.

9. You didn't get mad at anyone for forgetting your birthday but was ready to throw a football very hard at the back of someone's head for forgetting they were working concessions. Bonus wrath for forgetting that they are on snacks/beverages.

8. You have done every possible version of the "Bankhead Bounce" dance at least three times in the last month after your child made a good play. And you didn't care if anyone saw you. Bonus points if you didn't care if they filmed you either.

7. You own at least two t-shirts with your child's name followed by an apostrophe 's' and the word "mom" on the back. Bonus points if you also own one with a trashtalking line on it, too.

6. You have gotten a pedicure in your child's team colors. Bonus points if you did alternating toe colors and nails, too.

5. F-bombs don't faze you and you have yelled out at the top of your lungs: "THA'S WHAT I'M T'AMBOUT!!!" at least five times in every game. (Translation: "That's what I'm talking about.")

4. You know exactly how to put on shoulder pads and you know where all of the pads go into the football pants---even when they fall out in the dryer or get removed somehow.

3. The following songs have meaning to you and just might cause you to nearly dislocate your shoulder from either Bankhead Bouncing, Harlem Shaking or Cabbage Patching:

* No Flex Zone
* We Ain't Never Scared
* All the Way Turned Up

*Honorable mention: Wipe Me Down.

(Bonus points for dislocating your knee cap from dropping it like it's hot.) 

*Please don't fret if you have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what any of this means. It just means you are not likely a football mama.

*Oh, and depending upon where your child plays football and the demographics there, a country or heavy metal music equivalent of the above songs will be accepted.

2. You have a ginormous umbrella, some lawn chairs, and those padded seats for bleachers in your trunk at all times. Bonus points if you also own one of those big azz pop up tents.

1. You are sweet as pie 99% of the time but have perfected your mean mug so well that you could be mistaken for one of those mean chicks on Orange is the New Black. Bonus points if you give people attitude at the concession window for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Scoring system:

If you answered yes at least 4 times you just might be a football mama.
If you answered yes 5 or more times, you are a football mama.
If you got a perfect score, you are team mom and God bless you for that!  

Any football mamas out there? And anybody want to buy some raffle tickets?

Happy Saturday. Think I'll start posting a Saturday Selfie of the Week. We'll see how long that lasts. LOL.

Just dislocated my shoulder on this song. But beware: May also cause mosh pits in the stands.

And this was one of Deanna's absolute favorite movies of all time. Remember this, JoLai? LOL!


  1. Wipe me down?! I've got to go to one of these games with you. Lol. Hold me a tshirt.

    1. 'Cause I'm on. . . I'm on. . .I'm on. . .I'm on. . . .

      Don't even get me started, Psonya! LOL! Bring Aidan so he can turn up with us!


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