Saturday, April 6, 2013

Top Ten: Friday Afternoon Hair Salon Shenanigans

Well. Happy Saturday, good people. It's a beautiful morning here in Atlanta. And guess what? I got my hair done yesterday and man, oh man was the beauty shop hopping. Good times, I tell you. All of the girlfriends seemed to be there and the topics were all over the place.

Matter of fact, I wrote a little top ten about it. Like to hear it? Here it go!

This morning I proudly bring you:


#10   Halle Berry is Pregnant.


Client in chair:   "Girrrrrrl, Halle Berry is pregnant!"

Me: "Really?"

Client in chair:  "Yup. I just saw it on a tweet from TMZ." 

Client getting weave:  "Damn. Halle's ass will find her a fine looking dude to get knocked up by, won't she?"

All:  exaggerated head nods

Stylist:  "I thought he got beat up?"

Me:  "Who?"

Stylist: "That dude she's with now. Didn't her first baby-daddy beat him up?"

Client under dryer:  "Uh uh. I think he beat up the baby-daddy." 

Client in chair: "Yeah, girl. He jacked that dude up." Pulls up picture on Google images.

Shocking: Photos of Gabriel Aubry's injuries following his fight with Olivier Martinez on Thanksgiving

All:  "Daaaaaamn."

Client getting weave:  "Either way, what's that got to do with her being pregnant by him?"

Stylist:  "He could've gotten kicked in his junk which would make him NOT THE FATHER!!!"


#9   --   Kim Kardashian is pregnant.

Stylist:  "What about your girl, Kim Kardashian and her pregnancy?"

Client in chair:  "What the what! Why she got to wear all those tight clothes? She look like a pack of biscuits, don't she?"


Client in chair:  "If I was her, I wouldn't even bring a spoon anywhere near my mouth. 'Cause you know what happen when you put a spoon next to a pack of biscuits."

All:  "POOF!"


#8  --   Rutgers basketball.

Client under dryer:  "That dude from Rutgers resigned."

Client just hanging out:  "The basketball coach?"

Client under dryer:  "I think so."

Stylist:  "No, he got fired. I think it was their athletic director that resigned."

Client just hanging out:  "Was this the guy who said the womens' basketball team had nappy hair?"

All:  "NOOO!"


Stylist:  "No, this is the coach who was throwing basketballs at players and got caught on tape wilding out on everybody."

Client just hanging out:  "Oh, my bad. But didn't somebody say something about nappy hair with the Rutgers womens' hoop squad?"

Me:  "Ha ha ha, yeah I think that was Rutgers. But that was that radio guy, Don Imus. He's back on the radio, too."

Client under dryer:  "Maaaaan, real talk? When I used to play basketball in high school, my hair was NAP-PY."


Stylist:  "Yeah, but I don't think you wanted anybody saying so on the radio."

Me:  "Let's not forget that he said 'nappy-headed hoes.' Not just nappy-headed."

Client under dryer:  "Whaaaat? Aaww hells no. "

Me: "Yup."

Client under dryer:  "He went too far. I needed my hair done back then but I definitely wasn't a ho."


(Just rewatched this Don Imus clip and realized how not funny it was, though. Sheeesh.)

 #7  -- Cravings

Client under dryer:  "Is the peach cobbler dude coming over here today?"

Stylist:  "He hasn't been by here in a while."

Client under dryer:  "What about the sandwich dude?"

Stylist:  "Not sure."

Client under dryer:  "Is the sushi spot open?"

Stylist:  "Not until five."

Client in chair:  "Damn, heifer. Are you pregnant?"


#6  --  Justi-fied.

 Me:  (looking in People magazine) "Good heavens. I love me some Justin Timberlake."

Client in chair:  "Yeah, girl. I know I'm married but he could get it right here, right now in this chair."

Me:  "In that chair?"

Client in chair: "In this chair right here."

Me:  "Wow."

#5  --  Follow up.

Client just hanging out:  "Hey, Kim! What's up with your ankle?"

Me:  "Mostly better, but still kind of 'flicted. But they did x-ray me today and it showed that my stress fracture is healing."

Client just hanging out:  "Awww damn. So you still can't run yet?"

Me:  "They said about two more weeks."

Client just hanging out:  "Damn."

Client under dryer:  "Oh well. At least your hair will look good."

Me:  "True."

*finger snaps all over salon*

#4  --  Easter Passover

Me:  "How was everybody's Easter?"

All:  "Good."

Client:  "But I didn't go to church, though."

Me: "What? You always go to church! Why not?"

Client:  "Too many CME church-goers on that day."

Stylist:  "What's that?"

Client:  "Christmas, Mother's Day and Easter."

#3  Speaking of which. . .

Client just arriving:  "Hey y'all!"

All:  "Hey, girl!"

Client under dryer: (after lifting hood to give a hug)  "Girl, you look good! Did you lose weight?"

Me:  "Yeah, you look awesome!"

Client just arriving:  "Girl, I always look good after the lenten season. Those 40 days without treats get a sister foine." (foine = fine, fine = hot.)

Client under dryer:  "Dang. Let me know what I need to give up next year. I want to look like you."

Stylist:  "I kind of think that isn't the point of lent, but it could just be me."


#2  -- More Halle

Client under dryer:  "Isn't Halle Berry like 50? How is she pregnant?"

Stylist:  "She's actually 46."

Client under dryer:  "I wish somebody would come and tell me I was pregnant at 46."

Client getting weave:  "That's 'cause you already have kids and they're grown."

Client under dryer:  "I would be catatonic. Y'all would have to put me in a straight jacket."

Me:  "She's a young 46, though."

Client under dryer:  "She's 46."

Client getting a weave:  "One of my friends got pregnant at 44."

Client under dryer:  "She tripped!"

Client getting a weave:  "She was happy. She got married late."

Client just hanging out:  "I guess she could get her tubes tied and her hip replaced at the same time, though."


Me:  "That's cold."

Client under dryer:  "Bet her first baby-daddy is doing the Jerry Springer dance right about now!"


#1  -- Keeping it real.

Client under dryer:  "Kim, is this fattening what I'm eating? I'm starving."

Me:  "Uhhh? Kind of."

Client just hanging out:  "Kind of? B@#% please!  That's horrible what you're eating. Just know that your ass is getting bigger with every bite."

Client under dryer:  "Shut up! You ain't the doctor, hater! Kim, is it really that bad if the portion isn't so big?"

Me:  "Um. . .actually? Uhh, yeah. Pretty much."

Client hanging out:  "What, what?" (then does a Jerry Springer show move for emphasis

*more laughter*

And just think--that was only ten of the ten thousand things that got talked about yesterday. . .  ha ha ha ha. . . .Man. I love that place. So glad y'all could hang out there with me. What's up with y'all today?

Happy Saturday.


  1. I love conversations at the hair salon! I really like #4- the CME- Christmas, Mother's Day, and Easter- goers. So true!

  2. I simply ADORE your visits to the hair salon. I heard the phrase CME in another place today for the first time and here it is again! It's so strange when that happens.

  3. CME is too funny! I've never heard that expression. We usually call them "C and E-ers." And my hair salon is nowhere near as much fun as yours!

  4. I adore your "salon" posts. You have a great group of women at that salon.

  5. Man, I love your TopTen Posts. ( side note....Halle 's naturally occuring pregnancy is likely natural in that it involves someone's sperm and someone's egg...the parties of which- we will never know - babies are a blessing!)

    Maria, fellow Meharrian

  6. I am deathly ill right now and really needed a laugh. That was absolutely hilarious! I'm with Jill. I love your "salon" posts!! Thank you!

  7. Love the biscuit and spoon comment. Laughed out loud.

  8. I also heard, "The CEOs will be up in the church on Sunday: Christmas & Easter Only." LOL!!!

  9. CEO's! Love it!!

  10. The salon posts are pure comedy!!! and Maury .gifs are over the top hilarious! ~Millicent

  11. My stylist is moving to Atlanta. I will miss these Saturday morning conversations.


"Tell me something good. . . tell me that you like it, yeah." ~ Chaka Khan

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