Saturday, April 14, 2012

DSW: DON'T SHOP WITH (little kids.)

Why I won't shop for me-shoes with my children ever again:

Isaiah:  "Did you have to bring us to the mall, Mom?"

Zachary: "Yeah, Mama. We don't like the mall!"

Me: "What? This isn't even the mall! It's DSW."

Isaiah:  "A shoe place for ladies is the mall, Mom."

Me:  "Or not."

Zachary:  "What about these shoes?"  (holding up a 12 inch purple stacked stiletto)

Me:  "Not really Mommy's style, Zachy."

Isaiah:  "My wife is never going to wear shoes like that!" (frowns at Zachary's selection.)

Me:  "Well, that's a relief to hear."

Isaiah:  "Or that."  (Points at the shoe in my hand.)

Zachary:  "How about this one, Mama?"  (Now holding a yellow rain boot.)

Me:  "I'm good on rain boots, but thanks bud."

Isaiah:  "What are you even looking for, Mom?"

Me:  "I'll know when I see them. . . oooohhh. . .hello pretty platform sandal!"

Isaiah: "Those look very weird, Mom. What's wrong with the shoes you're wearing?"

Me:  "Nothing at all. I'm a girl that likes shoes."

Isaiah:  "Do all girls like shoes?"

Me:  "This one does."

Isaiah: "I'm going to sit on this little seat right here until you finish."

Me: "That would be fantastic."

Zachary:  "Do you like this shoe right here, Mama?"  (holding up a very scary, ratty flip flop.)

Me: "Zachary! That's MY flip flop!"

Zachary:  "Oh."

Isaiah: "I think these chairs are for boys. They have them all over the whole store."

Me: "They're actually for the Mommies who want to try on shoes. See the mirror at the bottom?"

Isaiah: "Why would somebody make whole store with shoes only for girls? That isn't very nice."

Me:  "That's a matter of opinion."

Zachary: "Mama! You HAVE to like this one. I bet you Daddy would like this!" (Another scary stiletto.)

Me: "Most men would like that I bet."

Isaiah:  "Do you have a lot of other stuff to do at this mall?"

Me: "I told you--this isn't the mall."

*silence for a moment*

Isaiah:  "Mom?"

Me:  "Sir?"

Isaiah:  "We don't like the DSW either. Just so you know."

Zachary: "Hey does this mall even have a toy store?"

Shoes coveted and tried on:  Four
Varieties of suggestions from Zachary: Seventy-seven
Number of complaints from Isaiah:  Forty-three
Pairs of shoes purchased:  Zero.

This should have been a hint of what was to come.

Speaking of the Mall -- I can't stop watching this. (Y'all know how obsessed I am with flash mobs!)

And one more OMG moment:

Walking into Chili's today:

Me:  "Hustle up, gentlemen."

Zachary:  "Mama, I'll hold the door, okay?"

Me: "That's sweet, bud. Thanks."

A youngish lady and two men walk up behind us as Zachary is hoisting his entire body against the heavy door. Isaiah and I walk in side by side and Zachary promptly lets go of the door -- nearly flattening the lady's face like a pancake. Before I can speak, Isaiah scolds him.

Isaiah:  "Zachary! You're supposed to hold the door for her, too! She's a lady!"

Me:  "Ma'am, I'm sorry."

Lady:  "Oh no problem." (goodnatured chuckle)

Zachary:  "Sor-reee."

Lady:  "No problem, sweetie." (warm, fuzzy, patient smile)

Isaiah:  "She's having A BABY, Zachary! You could have slammed the DOOR on HER BABY!"


I slowly turn around to look at the lady.

So. Not. Pregnant.


Uuuuuhh. . . .yeah. Welcome to my so-called life outside of Grady.

Hope your day didn't involve malls, quasi-malls, or false accusations of pregnancy.


  1. So many things to love about that video! The little girl with the purse singing? Too adorable.

    OK, and the woman getting married - she IS pregnant, right? I'm not pulling an Isaiah am I?

  2. Ouch. I hope you smiled big and shrugged.

  3. hysterical- they are such good boys!!
    i kinda miss the DSW

  4. OMG, that last part about the possibly hitting the baby when she wasn't pregnant made me LMAO! Funny, sweet, smart boys you're raising! Joanne

  5. OMG flash mob wedding is the best idea ever. Wish I had thought of it myself! Also I knew it was time to really start running again when I had 3 people ask if I was pregnant in the span of like a week.... obviously I'm not and "well you just got married" is so not an excuse.

  6. Well, you only make the pregnancy mistake once. Glad Isaiah made it when he's young enough to get away with it.

  7. Oh Isaiah! LOLOL I can't stop giggling! All those questions & still no shoes... YOU DESERVE SOME SHOES!!!


"Tell me something good. . . tell me that you like it, yeah." ~ Chaka Khan

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