Sunday, September 26, 2010

Grady Seinfeld Moment: The Audacity of Hold-on

"Gurrrrl. . .no she di'-in't!!!!"

::Ring, ring, ring::

Me: "Uhhh. . . . hello? This is the Primary Care Center."

Caller: "Hey, somebody called Gino?"

Me: "Pardon me?"

Caller: "Somebody call Gino from this number?"

Me: "Umm. . .Mr. Gino, you've reached one of the doctor rooms in the clinic at Grady Hospit--"

Patient: "Oh, doc, that's for me!" (grabs phone out of my hand) "Gino, where you at?"

Gino: "I'm at the car wash."

Patient: "Awww, hell naw! The car wash? I thought you got your car washed yesterday? I told you you need to stay close by."

Gino: "The car wash ain't far."

Patient: "What car wash you at?"

Gino: (some unacceptable reply)

Patient: "Whaaatt!? You on Bankhead Highway? Call Anita on 3-way and tell her I need her to come get me from Grady."

Me: "Uhhh. . .excuse me. . . yeah. . .this like. . .isn't a public phone, ma'am."

Patient: (holding up one finger to me) "Gino, you need to call Anita right now. Or call my momma." (still holding up finger) "Just call me back when you get in touch with them."

Gino: "At this number?"

Patient: "Yeah. . . just call me back on this number, I'll be right here."

Me: "Uhhhh. . . ma'am?"


Can I ask you a question? Hypothetically speaking. . . if you were at a doctor's appointment and your doctor stepped out of the room. . . . .and there was a telephone sitting on the desk, would you use it? Okay. . .I mean. . . .let's say that you forgot your cell phone. . .or your doctor was taking rather long to come back into the room. . . . then would you?

Wait--let me clarify that further. Let's say you were at a doctor's appointment, your doctor stepped out of the room, there was a phone on the desk, a sign that read "this phone is not for public use," and a mandatory "dial 9 first" prefix for all outgoing calls--then would you? Well? Would that stop you from picking it up, dialing 9, and then making a call?

Simply irresistable. . . .

Better yet. . . .if you were so bold as to pick up said phone, dial 9 and make a call. . . .like. . .what kind of call would it be? Would it be, like. . .a really quickie call. . .you know, the kind where you say, "Babe, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get out of here in time to get the kids. Need you to pick up. . ." or "Don't forget to pick up the dry cleaning!"

Or let's say, hypothetically of course, that you have a bit more chutzpah. . . would it instead be a medium length call where you call your mother back because she called you seven times that morning, and when you tried to call her back, your cell phone died?

Well. . . . . . let's say you had even more cojones than the medium-length-caller. . . still would it ever occur to you to not only pick up the phone and dial 9, but to then also commence to kicking back, relaxing, and holding a sho' nuff, AT&T, reach-out-and-touch-someone conversation with your best friend? Well? I'm just curious. Would that? I mean, occur to you?

Make yourself right at home.


Okay, then let's just take this thing one further step. Let's say you did pick up the phone, and you did dial 9, and you did call your very best girlfriend, and y'all did launch into a "Girl, you ain't gonna believe who's pregnant again!" conversation. And let's say you were able to ignore the sign that clearly told you that the phone wasn't for public use . . . .tell me. . . .what, then, would you do when the doctor came back to the room? (I mean, hypothetically, of course.)

Would you:
  • a. look very embarrassed and quickly hang up before the doctor could catch you.
  • b. look very embarrassed, quickly hang up, and profusely apologize explaining that your phone died?
  • c. keep talking on the phone until your doctor asks you to get off the phone?


And if on the off chance you chose 'c' . . . . .would you call someone who had the audacity to look at their caller ID, dial back the number, and ask to speak back to you? I'm just saying, would you?

Oh, and let's just say if your very best girlfriend did have the unmitigated gall to call back and ask for you. . .would you grab the receiver and say, "Hey girl, what's up?"-- followed by an instruction to call you back. . . . at this number?

Uhh okay, I was just wondering what you would do. . . .errrr . . . . hypothetically. :)


Number of times this has happened to me this month at Grady:

Minimum of ten times.

Number of times this has happened to me since I've worked at Grady:

Too numerous to count.

My take on it?

Awesomely amusing and blog-worthy.

Good times, man.


  1. hahaha... People never cease to amaze me!!

  2. To put it in a purely southern way "They just ain't right."

  3. Goodness gracious me?

    As a deaf person who finds it incredulous to see everyone's addiction to cell phones (12-steps a good idea?) I am blown away if that is even possible...

    I probably make 2-3 phone calls a month via Sprint Relay but that's about IT.

    How about a sign saying "$50.00 fine for non-medical calls"? Justify it by posting a sign saying the line must be kept free for medical emergencies. Make the signs look like it is for both staff and patients... =)

  4. You may know this, but this totally reminds me of an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm (written by Larry David, writer of Seinfeld), where Larry does exactly that. He then has an entire conversation with a doc while he's trying to sew a laceration on his face! Hilariously and awkwardly painful. I have to saw, this hasn't happened to me yet. Such a Seinfeld moment.

  5. Aaaahh. . . oh that Larry David. I can barely watch "Curb" because I literally feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack from his awkward trainwrecks! It's so, so funny but so, so hard to watch. I hide my eyes and say, "No! Don't do it, Larry! Please. . ."

    And he always does it. :)


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