Monday, March 18, 2013

No pressure.

This week in clinic:

Me:  "Okay, so our plan today is going to involve adding a medication to get your blood pressure down."

Her:  "I'll pass on that. I have some natural remedies I'm gon' try instead."

Me:  "I think natural things are very helpful. My concern is that we've agreed to do that on the last two visits. I think we're at the point where we need to go ahead and do something a bit more aggressive."

Her:  "Mustard and vinegar bring blood pressure down. I bet you ain't never knew that, did you?"

Me:  "I actually have heard that."

Her:  "Well, I'm going to do that and also some other things."

Me:  "How 'bout if we start the medicine and you do those things? Then if it comes down low, we can take the medication away."

Her:  "What you think I look like? Boo-boo the fool?"

Me:  "Pardon?"

Her:  "You know damn well y'all don't take away no blood pressure pills!"

Me:  "Yuh huh. I mean, yes. Sometimes. Yeah, we do sometimes."

Her:  "Mmmm hmmm. Yeah, right."

Me:  "Mustard? And vinegar?  Aaaah. You're killing me."

Her:  "Naw. That's you that's trying to kill somebody."

Me:  0_0

Her:  "I'm gon' meditate."

Me:  "What's that?"

Her:  "I'm said I'm gon' meditate. That helps your pressure, you know."

Me:  "How about meditate right after you take this low dose water pill?"

Her:  "Nope. Then I'd have to pee."

Me:  *sigh*

Her:  "It's true!"

Me:  "Okay. My recommendation is that we start something this time. It doesn't have to even be a water pill."

Her:  "I hear you. But still, no."

Me:  "Did you get the colonoscopy appointment?"

Her:  "Naw. I don't want that neither. They put a camera in your rectum to do that."

Me:  *Sigh*

Her:  "Why y'all steady trying to do something to somebody? Push pills and probe thangs up in folk?"

Me:  *Sigh*

Her:  "I don't want all that. None of it. I'll go buy me something herbal to cleanse my bowels."

Me:  "That's not the same. This tells us if you have a polyp or something like an early cancer."

Her:  "Cancer? Naw. Y'all ain't searching around in me and bringing something in there. I'm fine."

Me:  "Okay. Then tell me--what do you want?"

Her:  "To be healthy!"

Me:  "That's what I want. But you keep trying to stop me."

Her:  "Just 'cause I like natural stuff? Chile please."

Me:  "Okay. So you don't want the blood pressure medicine, the cholesterol medicine, or a colonoscopy, correct?"

Her:  "Correct."

Me:  "So that's it?"

Her:  "I reckon so."

Me:  "So I'm confused. What did we even do today?"

Her:  "We stopped somebody from getting poisoned and getting a camera stuck in her behind that's what."

Me:  "Can I at least give you the prescription so that you can meditate on it?"

Her:  "That sound okay."

Me:  "Great."

Her:  "But that colonoscopy? Tell 'em they can stick it in the same place they trying to stick it in me."

Me:  "Gotcha."

This is Grady. And I love this place.

Happy Monday.


  1. From the deck of the Poop

    Absolutely hilarious!!! Put that scope where the sun don't shine LMAO.

    I love this person but I ain't going for the mustard and vinegar. Cause I am not "stupid the fool"


  2. Oh dear, that was not a crying blog post, glad you get to lol at these elders.

  3. A colonoscopy sure as hell beats the prospects of a colonoscopy bag.

    Just sayin'!

  4. Behind on my reads, but that was hilarious!!! And I can identify with her. I feel like I'm stuck on BP medication at 43. But I guess...what's the alternative...*shrug*



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