Monday, July 2, 2012

Just sort of.

Leaving the Grady parking garage on Saturday.

I'm sort of stressed today. Not all the way stressed. Just sort of.

Do you ever feel that way?

That's how I'm feeling right now. For no real good reason, either. I'm off of my busy ward month. I'm even off of work for most of this week. But still. . . .I have this little tiny undercurrent of stress today.

And I don't like it.

Probably the angst of going from being pulled a million directions with wards and orientation to being given time to do nothing at all. Not even child care related things.

And while, yes, I do miss my children, this is their fifth year at Camp Papa, so it isn't that. It's the rapid downshift I just had. I know it well. See, I always feel this way when I first get off of a busy inpatient service. I have this gnawing feeling like I've abandoned my patients -- even though I know that I've turned them over to an absolutely able colleague. It's silly but I just do and it's hard to shake. In fact, it takes every bone in my body not to go up to Grady just to . . . . check on them. People always say "zero to sixty" but leaving the wards is like going from "one hundred to zero." It's weird. So it plants this tiny seed of uneasiness in me. Which I don't like.

It took a moment for it to really kick in because my weekend was busy. I did fun things which allowed me to ignore it but today I had time. Time for it to marinate and seep in. That feeling of being sort of stressed.

Just sort of.

And I know what it means. It means I need to exercise with some good music playing in my ear. And it especially means I need to write.

Oh and my kids are out of town so the other thing this sort of stressed feeling sometimes means is not really an issue, thank you very much. (We're all adults here, aren't we?)

Ah hem.

And so. I'm off to do those things.

First -- exercise. The kind that makes you sit hunched over with your elbow dripping and propped on equally sweaty knees. The kind that makes you feel strong and good and healthy. And I already have a kick ass playlist for my iPod.

So first, that. No, not in the hot sun. In the gym.


Next --  I will write. So stay tuned for that part because you will see the fruits of it here.

Oh yeah, and if I can find some good gazpacho to eat somewhere, I will do that, too. Sister Moon? Do you have a gazpacho recipe for me? If so, make sure it's easy. Gazpacho always makes me happy and will certainly be a part of the panacea for my "just sort of" stress.

Do you have a panacea for your "just sort of" days?  Do tell.

(Make sure it's legal. Heh.)

Happy Mundane Monday.


  1. Believe it or not, no. I do not have a good gazpacho recipe. I just use whatever recipe sounds good to me at the time and suit it to what I have. It's always easy. That is the joy of gazpacho.

    And I know that low-stress feeling well. I think, if you examine it closely, you may find that it is actually anxiety. It is for me, anyway. Exercise is good but despite what the Exercise Cures All people say, it doesn't take care of it entirely. Again, that's my experience.
    Staying busy. How trite. But true.


    1. Ha. You know I know it's called anxiety, right? What is it about doctors thinking diagnoses are for everyone but them? Yes. I do have this low grade anxiety whenever I get off of wards. The change of pace is too abrupt. But the good news is that writing always feels like therapy. I'm preaching to the choir I know.

      No gazpacho recipe? You?! Refuse to believe that.

      The workout was awesome. I ran on a treadmill at theYMCA to some old school James Taylor and Carol King. Now all I need is gazpacho and my laptop!

      You'll be pleased when you see my downtime photos--coming soon. I think it's all post-caring-for-sick-sick-people syndrome

  2. Just made gazpacho from a recipe by the Pioneer Woman. I don't think you want me to type it here so email me at and I'll send it to you. It was gooood. And easy. You can use a food processor or a blender. Yummy.

    That should take you to the gazpacho recipe, blog version and short version. Let me know how you like it.

  4. Hi gradydoctor, discovered you via Ms. Moon ~ I had a small cafe in my beautiful little town of St. Augustine, FL, and patrons used to rave about our gazpacho. Here's the recipe, which is quite simple but fairly large, so you may want to cut it in half:

    2 cans V-8
    6 cucumbers - peeled & seeded, diced very fine
    1 lg. bell pepper, diced very fine
    3 stalks celery, diced very fine
    1/2 c. Balsamic vinegar
    1 tsp. chopped garlic
    4 jalapenos, diced very fine
    handful chopped green onions
    1 bunch chopped cilantro

    Stir together and add salt & pepper to taste.

    If too thin, add a few more veggies ~ if too thick, a little more V-8.

    To make it REALLY special, add 3 chopped avocadoes!

    I have been enjoying your blog SO MUCH for a couple of months,but am a little shy about commenting. The gazpacho request motivated me! I thank you for your beautiful writing and your compassion for patients.

  5. I write, I clean, I sleep, I do art, I cry if it all gets too much. Then it passes and go on. It seems like you assessed yourself pretty well there.

  6. Working out is my thing as of late. I throw in a DVD and work until my limbs feel noodley and my ears are sweating. Then I take a hot, relaxing shower. Somewhere in that process, the stress just melts away. I also get lost within the pages of a really good book, if I can.


"Tell me something good. . . tell me that you like it, yeah." ~ Chaka Khan

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