We were at the Waffle House a few days ago and the kind lady who was serving us passed the kids' plates over to us. Each child had his own waffle, and on top of each waffle was a disposable one-serving cup of margarine.
"Oh, here," I said to her, "we don't need these, thanks."
"No butter? On waffles? For the kids?" The words came from her mouth before she could even stop them. I could tell that some part of her wished she hadn't said it. Partly because of her own rotund middle and ample arms that held our plates and partly because it probably isn't p.c. to go questioning how grown folks feed their kids. (At least to their faces, that is.)
I laughed and replied--careful not to be smug-health-nut-lady, "You know what? I'm trying my hardest not to even introduce butter to them. Weird, I know. It just seems like one of those things that, as yummy as it is, you can live without if you don't know about it. At least on waffles."
"That's smart," she responded with a genuine nod. "Makes sense." She put her hand on her hip and cocked her head to the side like she was thinking.
"My wife also doesn't like butter." Harry had to bust my bubble so I wouldn't look like super-save-a-kid-mom. Hater. But this is a true statement. I'm not a big butter fan. As a child I just didn't really "get" butter. Something about it looked like Crisco, which sort of grossed me out.
Funny, right?
But here's the thing. Once I did actually taste butter, I did get it. I got why folks dug it so much and slathered it on top of their everything. In fact, I even got the difference between real, sho' nuff butter and substitutes like Country Crock or I can't believe it's not butter (which I totally can believe isn't the real stuff.) Yes. It's yummy. But what I learned from all those butter-less years is that a lot of things that call for butter are pretty damn delicious without it. Sure. I make some very clear exceptions to being butter-free which are popcorn, yeast rolls, baked sweet potatoes, and corn-on-the-cob. Oh, and grits. Yeah, grits. Otherwise, Harry is right--I'm cool when it comes to butter.
With this in mind, I started deciding which things I would and would not introduce my kids to on the table. I guess I'm looking for this happy medium between letting them live a little and not making them die from food addiction later. No. I'm not ultra-organic lady with puree'd baby foods and herbs on my window sill. Not that I don't wish I were that lady--I'm just not hard-wired like that. Instead, I simply looked at a lot of foods and drinks and asked myself, "What if I never had this as a kid? Would I go crazy for it later or be fine to keep living without it? And would not having this intrude on what it's like to be a kid?"
Once I answered those questions, a few foods were relegated to being "foreign objects" to our kids. This, of course, came from me and not Harry. Fortunately, though, he is down with it.
And so. Butter made that list. Now. Do they have butter with grandparents or at times when we're not in control? Probably. But are they looking for it at home or the 98% of the time they eat? Nope. It's like they know that syrup goes on top of waffles but the butter part? No comprende.
A friend called me laughing fairly recently while Zachary was there for a playdate with her son. "Has your child ever tasted soda pop?" she cackled into the phone.
"Actually? I don't think so."
All I could hear was hysterical laughter. "What? He's almost five!"
But, see, soda was also on that list. I've yet to find anything about it that's good for you and, as a kid, there's such great alternatives to it. If my kid has a soda at a birthday party do I flip out though? Naaah.
Gum. That one, too. Zachy had a stick of gum for the first time two weeks ago. And promptly swallowed it. Eh? It happens when you haven't had something.
I guess here is what I'm reflecting on today. Kids and food and exercise and how complicated it all is. The Children's Healthcare of Atlanta organization has put out these very provocative commercials fighting childhood obesity. Georgia is the second most overweight state when it comes to children, and man. These folks are not holding back. I was recently at a lecture that the CEO of CHOA (who is freakin' awesome, by the way) gave and she showed us a couple of these public service announcements. Check this out--oh and warning: these are very "in your face." People generally have strong reactions to them--some positive and some horrified. But their idea was to get people talking and thinking about childhood obesity and what we're doing to our kids one butter pat at a time. . . .
Well? What did you think? Me--I felt so sad seeing these commercials. And even a little bit discouraged. Not because I don't think it's forward thinking and overall a good thing. I love that they are doing this and putting money into the fight against what has become a horrible epidemic. It still makes me feel sad, though. Because I know how complicated food and obesity are. I know how it is a culture in itself and how difficult it is to unravel culture. I see this culture at work every day--and not just in the clinic or the wards. I see it in the break rooms and in the cafeteria on top of trays. I hear it in words spoken to employees in the lunch line like, "Would you like some fries with your burger?" or "You want sausage and gravy with these eggs?"
"Fries? Yes, please. No, wait. Give me some of them mojo potato wedges instead."
"I can give you both, sugar."
"Cool."
I used to live in a beautiful neighborhood in a predominantly minority part of town. It was clean and quiet-- and my neighbors were wonderful. Yes. I meant to say quiet. No one running or walking or pushing a stroller in sight. Okay, maybe every blue moon. But for the most part? Nada.
Now I live in-town near the University. I can't pull out of my driveway without nearly mowing down a runner, jogger, or someone walking their dog. Bike riders and shirtless teenagers chatting and laughing on mile four. I even saw a kid from the boys' school running with her dad one day and I know for certain that she is in third grade.
Yeah. It's a different culture in this neighborhood. And my old neighborhood wasn't a bad one, either. It just had a different vibe. . . .which wasn't as health conscious as this one. But it all has a domino effect, don't you think?
So Isaiah and Zachary are growing up with "exercise just for the hell of it" as a part of their culture. They're passing on the butter and asking why a drink with bubbles tastes so "spicy." We're making some nights "fruit dessert" nights like my friend Lesley does with her kids and we're schlepping the kids to the gym with us to let them see that, yes, black folks run and jump for exercise and not only as a part of organized sports. But see, these were all choices that we made strategically. Oh, and did I mention? A whole lot of these choices cost money.
Sigh.
I don't know. Culture is such a hard thing to change. I don't know what those kids in those commercials are up against, either. But I do know this--a little can sure go a long way. So that's what I tell my patients at Grady. Try these little things that don't cost money. And do these things in front of your kids. Starting with simple ones like, "Butter? No, thank you."
