HEARD VERBATIM AT GRADY:
In the clinic. . . . .
Me: What's the key to living this long?
Grady Elder: It's simple, baby. . . you listenin'?
Me: Yes, ma'am
- MIND YO' OWN BUSINESS
- GET YO' OWN MAN
- AND PRAY!
On the wards. . . . . .
Me: Good morning. . . .Just wanted to come by and see about you this morning. . .
Grady elder: Damn, yo' hands is cold!
In the lobby. . . . . .
Grady elder: 'Xcuse me, baby, can you do me a favor?
Me: Yes ma'am
Grady elder: Can you please reach around here and scratch my back?
Me: Beg pardon?
Grady elder: Can you scratch my back?
Me: Uh. . .sure why not. . . .(scratching through her shirt). . .how is that?
Grady elder: Up some
Me: (still scratching, still standing in the middle of the atrium and late for clinic)
Grady elder: Over some. . .
Me: How is that?
Grady elder: A little bit harder. . . .yeah. . .there you go. . .
Me (in my head): Seriously? Seriously.
In the clinic. . . .
Me: Hey there. . .come on back. . . thanks for keeping your follow up appointment. I know a week is a short time.
Grady elder: No problem, Miss Manning! I feel much, much better!
Me: Oh, that's great! So the medication helped with your hip pain?
Grady elder: Did it help!? Chiiiiiiile. . . . I'll show you, Miss Manning! (jumps out of her chair, I PROMISE, and commences to do "the stanky leg" dance.)
Me: Wow, you DO feel better.
On the wards. . . . .
Me: What's the key to staying married so long?
Grady elder: If you gon' stay true to your vows you got to remember one thang.
Me: What's that?
Grady elder: You gets married based 'pon your feelings, you stays married based 'pon your willing.
Me: That's what's up.
On rounds. . . .
Grady elder: Why you wear your hair so short?
Me: Beg pardon?
Grady elder: Your hair. Why you cut if all off like a little boy?
Me: Uh, I don't think it looks like a little boy.
Grady elder: I do.
Me: Well, fortunately, I generally choose my hairstyles based upon what I think.
Grady elder: Well you need to worry about what a man think. And a man don't like when a woman cut her hair off like a little boy.
Me: Is that right?
Grady elder: Yes. (not even flinching or the least bit apologetic.)
Me: Actually, my man likes my hair, and I think I'm going to go with what he thinks on this one instead of you, okay?
Grady elder: You got a smart ass mouth.
At the hospital entrance. . . .
Me: Good morning!
Grady elder: All riiiiigggggghhht. (Note: I never asked the question "How are you?")
In a hospital bed. . . . .
Grady elder: I was born at Gradys, I had all my babies at Gradys and I don't go no where BUT Gradys when I'm sick. This is MY hospital. And y'all is MY doctors.
Me: That we are. :)