Tuesday, August 25, 2009

True stories: Fatter not Phatter, Big Boned-edness, and Relief in Dolby Stereo

Fat (adj.): Obesity; corpulence.

Phat (adj.): Slang term for something that is excellent or attractive.

True stories. I ain't lyin'. (Hand over heart)

The following incidents happened to me at Grady on both today and yesterday, respectively:

Grady Seinfeld moment #1:

Stepped on the Grady 'A' elevators at 12:20 pm today. This environmental services lady (a different one) pushing cart of cleaning supplies says to me in front of the other five people on the elevator, "I seen you on Fox 5, doc. You know you look fatter on TV than you look at Grady." Again? You've got to be kidding me! Maybe she meant I looked "phat" not "fat" (She quickly clarified that for me.)

"Not like you look fat-fat, I mean you just look like you a LOT thicker on TV, you know like you just more big boned-ed." Big boned-ed??? Wo-ow.

A couple turned around and nodded . . . .still not sure if that nod was "yeah, I have seen you on Fox 5" or "hells yeah! you do look fatter (not phatter) on TV!"
Was too scared to ask. Prefer denial on this one.

Grady Seinfeld moment #2

Yesterday, I was sitting in the family waiting room having a meeting with my resident, Stacie S., on the 9th floor family meeting room. It's a very serene room with couches, a table, comfy chairs and such--meant to feel "homey" especially during family meetings (which we had just finished having.) Usually, if someone inadvertently pops their head in, they immediately retreat if it's obvious that someone is having a serious or private discussion (which we were.) Okay, so there is a bathroom just as you enter the room, and this random, twenty-something year old guy walks in the door and points to the restroom. We suspect he stepped in on accident, so we prepare to redirect him to another bathroom. Before we could say anything, the dude goes in the bathroom, DOESN'T CLOSE THE DOOR, and urinates for what seemed like an hour straight. I am convinced that he drank 8 liters of Coca Cola, held his bladder for 36 hours before coming in there, and was in some perverse way proud to demonstrate to us that he could pee in Dolby stereo. What??? Who does that???

Okay, so the dude waltzes out of the commode and me and my resident just looked at eachother and then him in disbelief. That Grady familiarity kicked in and I said, "Awwww, come on, dude! Next time close the door- especially with ladies in the room!" He did not look one bit embarrassed. For minute I thought he was going to say, "What ladies?", but I was relieved when all he said was, "My bad, doc! That's my bad." While zipping up his pants, and arranging himself. (Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.)

Awwwww man. . .just thought about it! He didn't bother to flush OR wash his hands either. . . . . .

Take home messages:

1. As long as you think you're phat when you look in the mirror, that's all that matters.
2. If you must arrange yourselves, gentleman, do it in private.

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