Right now. . . .I am drinking a cup of piping hot coffee out of a mug with Isaiah's soccer picture glazed onto its side . . and I'm thinking that it's really, really good. I am looking at this mug and looking at my son and feeling like my heart could not love him more or his brother more. I am asking myself how something as simple as a cheap mug from the cheapest photo package could make a person so happy.
Right now. . . .I am thinking about the fact that this exact time last week, I was sitting in the same chair drinking from the same mug. . . except instead of blogging I was somewhere in between reflecting and praying. You see, this time last week, my father was on a stretcher in an ER on the other side of the country. His chest "felt funny" so he went in. The tests suggested something could be going on with his heart. . .on Valentine's day, no less. He has a
"heart history." His daughter is a doctor who happens to know that "heart histories" are the number one things that take beloved patriarchs and matriarchs out in this country. So last week, with all of my medical knowledge and such, all I could do was sit in this chair, pray to my God, and wait to see what would happen next.
Right now. . . .I am feeling thankful and full at the mere thought of my father being okay. Cardiac catheterization confirmed---the pipes were clean. I am also smiling because I realized that it didn't take this to make me realize how much I love-need-respect-adore-cherish-everything-else my father. In fact, it is for that very reason that I could focus just on him and
his heart instead of me and mine.
Right now. . . . .I am thinking about my good friend
Michele T., who is the same age as me and a mother of two like me except instead of sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of joe, she is lying on an operating room table getting ready to have breast reconstruction. She is a survivor in
every sense of the word. Resilient in a way that you couldn't get your mind around unless you knew her. And peaceful? I've never known a more peaceful human being. Right now, my heart is touching and agreeing with her heart and I am holding her hand even if she can't feel it. And I'm
claiming the best.
Right now. . . . .I am surprised at how much Isaiah has grown up since that very first time I put him on the school bus in August. He sprinted toward the bus this morning, and literally said to me, "I'm good." He's
good? Really? Wow.
Right now. . . . .I am reflecting on a world that is so terrible that it includes people who shoot their children out of frustration, people who languish in jails for things they didn't do, and that oppresses people just because they have two X chromosomes instead of one. . . . .but marveling at how the same world is so beautiful that it includes Zachary looking at me last night and learning how to wink his eye from across the room, and also wild dandelions on the side of my driveway for Isaiah to pick and hand to me in imperfectly perfect bunches. A world with hugs so tight from my husband that they feel like they'll suffocate me for sure.
Right now. . . . .I'm thinking that I'm okay with right now. And you know what? I think I'm good, too.
