How do you keep the music playing?
How do you make it last?
How do you keep the song from fading
too fast?
How do you lose yourself to someone
and never lose your way?
How do you not run out of new things
to say?
And since you know we're always changing
How can it be the same?
And tell me how year after year
You're sure your heart will fall apart
Each time you hear his name?
I know the way I feel for you is now or never
The more I love, the more that I'm afraid
That in your eyes I may not see forever. . . .forever. . .
If we can be the best of lovers
Yet be the best of friends
If we can try with every day to make it better as it grows
With any luck then I suppose
The music never ends.
~ lyrics by LeGrand/Bergman
___________________________
Not because it's Valentine's Day, but in spite of it. I need the world to know that on days other than this one, there are folks trying with every day to make it better and to keep the music playing. Not just on Hallmark holidays, but all year round.
I love my husband. I love him for loving me right in front of my boys every single day. I love him for the fighting chance he is giving them at feeling whole and deserving of love. I love him for rushing home today from a busy, busy day at his newest business venture--not because he thought I so much needed it, but because he thinks it's important for him "to show his sons how to treat the person they love." So that meant coming home and giving them flowers and balloons to give Mommy.
Just like he does every year.
"You have to make sure she feels special every day. But on certain days, you can make it even more special, okay?"
That's what he says and they believe it. In fact, they believe just about every word that comes out of his mouth. So I'm also glad that he's got common sense and isn't a damn fool.
Yeah, I said it.
Hindsight is 20/20. When I was waiting for the BHE, I was so tired of it. I wanted it now. I wanted to plan my wedding and have my babies. I was furious with fate for having me graduate medical school and finish residency as a single woman. In fact, I was more than furious. I was exhausted.
I'd go places and spend time with people who didn't really deserve my time. Listen to their blah-blah-blah and try to force myself to feel what wasn't there. And that sucked.
Finally, I got exhausted enough to say, "I'm just going to do me." Which meant, even if I was going to ride this life out on a solo mission, I refused--absolutely REFUSED--to be:
a. miserable.
b. dealing with somebody who didn't deserve my time.
c. fretful.
d. that woman who is constantly wah-wah-waaaah-ing about singlehood over thirty.
And that's what I did. Did me. And prayed some, too.
Shortly after that I met Harry. And let me tell you something -- I knew that I had CAME UP (no, not come up, I meant to say CAME UP) on something really, really good from that first moment we met. I promise myself every single day that I won't forget it or take one second of our time together for granted.
And I don't. Ever, not never.
Me? I got a testimony. I am patting my chest and walking through a crowd of angry, tired, jaded people. And standing up for love. Pointing my finger in their faces and saying that no, we ain't perfect, but dammit we are trying with every day to keep our music playing. Sometimes our record skips, but we are trying, man. With every day. And I just have to believe that there are others out there doing the same.
There's also somebody, somewhere wishing someone exactly like you would be the other part to their two part harmony, too. YES. Somebody who wants to treat you nice. All the time. And call you back consistently and not just after ten P.M. And who truly likes your company. In private and in public. YES. And who doesn't mind that you are WIDE open about how much your heart falls apart each time you hear his or her name.
And if they AREN'T all of these things, tell them to KICK ROCKS. And DO YOU until that person shows up. And if the person is kind of this way but not all the way ready, tell them to KICK ROCKS and still DO YOU until either the right person turns up or that person gets it together. But no Mr. or Ms. In-between. NUH-NO.
And.
If you DO have somebody? Man. Fight. Fight to keep your music playing. Keep the climate cozy and warm. I believe that good people can do bad things when they don't have basic needs met. So pay attention. Keep the thermostat in the right place and check it often. That way nobody goes looking for an extra fan or a little space heater on the side.
Mmm hmmm.
Uggh. I'm rambling.
Damn. Do I sound preachy? I don't mean to. I just feel like love needs defense sometimes. So that's what I'm doing. Defending love, man. And encouraging somebody because I know I've said it twelve trillion times, but I need to say it again. I was NOT lucky in love before I met Harry. And this lady once told me when I was crying about being single and how there was nobody out there -- she simply said that, "All you're looking for is one person." Which now I know was a good word if I ever heard one.
Yeah, it was.
Just one. And what a relief. Imagine if you needed to find like six? Or twelve? Talk about some pressure. Imagine an Easter Egg hunt where all you had to find was one egg? You wouldn't even mind if they hid them a little better, would you?
What the hell am I even talking about? I don't know. I just love my husband. That I do know. On Valentine's Day and all the random ones in between.
Yup.
That's all I got for tonight. I wish easy and authentic love to each and every one of you. More than your hands, head and heart can even hold.
And I mean that.
***
Feliz Dia de San Valentin!
Now playing. . . . my favorite version of this song. . .James Ingram featuring Patti Austin. . .
