Farewell, Sweet Poopdeck.

William Ralph Draper, Sr. 10/8/1943 - 6/22/2022

What if missing your father was the singular burden he left behind for you? What if he was so present, so loving, so engaged, so proud, and so over-the-top supportive that you had nothing—I mean not one single thing—to wish he’d done for you? What if he fully equipped you with confidence and enough self-love for meaningful adult relationships through his exemplary love of your mother, his siblings, his cousins, and countless lifelong friends? And what if you had the chance to personally evolve into a loving, trusting grown up friendship with him? One distinctly different and special from the one you had with him as a child—and unique to you and no one else?

What if he not only told you how much he loved you for your entire life — but showed you through his actions and sacrifices? What if he cherished you and had such high expectations of you that you actually got to reach your full potential professionally and personally—and then be blessed to have him live long enough to bear witness to it? What if he got to know and love your spouse in addition to many of your closest friends—enough for them to have their very own connections, feelings, and memories of him, too? And what if all of this was amplified exponentially by the love, adoration, and influence he poured not only into his own grandchildren but generations of nieces, nephews, cousins, play cousins, and community kids as well? Imagine that.

Then all you’d have to do is miss him. And though missing him is a heavy load, it is a price we gladly pay for the intense, fulfilling, and comprehensive love God blessed us to know in the form of our father. For this, we are more grateful than sad. There is not a single regret left to bear.

Rest in power, sweet daddy. Thank you for leaving it all on the field as a father, a grandfather, a role model, and man. And especially thank you for the gift of showing up in every aspect of our lives—physically, emotionally, financially, collectively, and individually. We will forever speak your name and rejoice in your legacy. Job well done, sir. And just so you know—we were always proud of you, too, Daddy. And we always will be.

I knew that it would be important for me to share this news here since so many of you grew to know and love him through this blog. Though I'm not as active here these days, do know that he loved, loved, loved the way you celebrated his unforgettable Camp Papa summers and so much more. Thanks in advance for your outpouring of love, prayers, and condolences. Know that it is felt even if we don’t respond immediately. We are more glad than sad. And more grateful than anything else that all we have to do is miss him.

One Year, Part 2: Throw some DEEEEE on it!

I'm baaaaaaack. . . . .

Who's up for some fun? Okay. So here's the challenge for the weekend. Your challenge is to THROW SOME DEEEEE ON whatever you do for the next few days. What does that mean? It means that, at some point, this weekend you have to do something that Deanna would do that you typically wouldn't do. Oh man. JoLai and Will and I have been cracking up over text messages this week as we think of ways to "throw some DEEE on it." Ha ha ha ha. . . whew!

Okay. So the rules? There ain't no rules! Do you have to have known Deanna personally to participate?

NO, MA'AM and NO, SIR.

Wait. I take that back. Everybody who has been reading this blog sort of knows Deanna, don't they? As a matter of fact, a friend wrote me the kindest words today. She never met Deanna in person but said that, in her own way, she was feeling the loss and missing her, too. And then she thanked me for sharing Deanna and introducing her to Deanna over this past year.

Smile.

And so. Here is an extraordinarily random list of ways that you--YES, YOU--can THROW SOME DEEEEE ON IT this weekend.

I bring you:

THE RANDOM LIST OF RANDOM THINGS THAT DEANNA WOULD DO THAT YOU CAN DO TO THROW SOME DEEEEE ON YOUR DAY, YOUR WEEKEND OR YOUR LIFE. 

Like to hear it? Here it go.

You can. . . .

1. Drink an iced coffee from McDonald's.
2. Drink a hot coffee from McDonald's but nurse it all day and then put ice into it to make it an iced coffee from McDonald's.
3. Flat iron, roller set, or cornrow somebody's hair.
4. Make some homemade salsa.
5. Get a massage. Preferably at a massage school.
6. Get your hair done at a beauty school.
7. Eat a honey crisp apple.
8. Look at pictures of Ryan Gosling and drool.
9. Post pictures of Ryan Gosling on your Facebook page.
10. Make some Jell-O shots. Or pudding shots.
11. Take a shot of any of the following things whilst celebrating big moments with friends: Jack Daniels, Tequila, or whatever is there. 
12. Be loyal to a fault.
13. Put on lipstick and admire your pretty lips in a mirror.
14. Make a list of men who are your "lust objects." 
15. Go to sorority meeting.
16. If you are a Delta, wear a Delta shirt, jacket, or something with Delta Sigma Theta on it.
17. Learn the Delta oath by heart (if you are a Delta.)
18. Play Bananagrams with or without a friend.
19. Do the hardest crossword puzzle you can find in a newspaper.
20. Do the GIANT crossword puzzle on Christmas.
21. Read Kimberly's blog.
22. Help somebody with some math homework.
23. Punch somebody for sticking their bare foot on you.
24. Call somebody you love "Pookie."
25. Go sit with your mama.
26. Go sit with your brother.
27. Go sit with your sister.
28. Go sit with your friends.
29. Talk shit and refuse to take it back.
30. Crochet something.
31. Make a quilt out of t-shirts.
32. Crochet something out of plastic bags.
33. Be the favorite auntie and have no issue with telling everyone you are.
34. Leave work and take a nap.
35. Take your nieces or nephews to a movie.
36. Go with your mom to a Denzel movie.
37. Talk about Denzel being hot more than the movie.
38. Cry for a random reason. 
39. Have allergies and sniffle while doing Sudoku.
40. Say "WWWWWWAAAAADDDDUPPP??" when somebody sees you who hasn't seen you in a few days.
41. Be honest about shit you don't like.
42. Not be fake.
43. Kick somebody's butt for messing with your sister.
44. Drive a Volkswagon that doesn't  go in reverse or that doesn't start without being rolled down a hill.
45. Go off for being told to "shut up." 
46. Watch Survivor with your mom.
47. Watch The Wiz with your sisters. 
48. Go to an Omega party.
49. Talk some more shit.
50. Make a Lemon Jell-O cake.
51. Pay your sorority dues.
52. Snore and then punch your sister when she calls you "Frosty the Snoreman." 
53. Create some shit that nobody can believe you thought up.
54. Call your dad Pop-O.
55. Scream really loud at niece and nephew sports until people stare--and then not give a shit.
56. Write someone a letter by hand -- because "it's good to get mail that isn't a bill."
57. Do water aerobics.
58. Write something in calligraphy with fancy calligraphy pens.
59. Listen to a Jill Scott CD and sing at the top of your lungs.
60. Show someone how much they mean to you through a gesture.
61. Paint your nails so that you won't bite them.
62. Text with emoticons.
63. Wear a shirt from your alma mater.
64. Make some homemade yeast rolls that take all day to make and two seconds to eat.
65. Understand the least understood people.
66. Not be afraid of people who have less education, opportunities, or resources than you.
67. Serve.
68. Give.
69. Love.
70. Laugh.
71. Inspire.
72. Create.
73. Encourage.
74. Include.
75. Accept. 

What will you do? Which will you do?

Now pardon me while I take this Jell-O shot and return to this hard ass crossword puzzle. . . . ha ha ha. . . . . .and those who not some things I missed? Feel free to add to the list. . . .ha ha ha. . .

***
Happy Everyday. Let this day be your reminder to always measure your life in love. Which reminds me of this post about that song here. She would have liked this one. :)

Now playing on my mental iPod. A song that -- yes -- is a little edgy but that includes people that never would have bothered Deanna at all. She could roll with the "every echelon" as she once told me. Which says a lot, actually. 

You can close your eyes. . .it's alright.

*patient gave permission to have her story shared

"So close your eyes

You can close your eyes,

It's alright

I don't know no love songs

And I can't sing the blues anymore

But I can sing this song

And you can sing this song

When I'm gone. . . ."

~ James Taylor

It's a gloomy and gray day today. Intermittent thunderstorms here in Atlanta have us all cooped up in the house. The kids are jumping on the furniture, and watching way too much television . . . .

I am sitting on the couch in the sun room watching the raindrops fall against the windows. It's so dreary out there. . . yet so apropos considering how I am feeling right now.

My patient died today. Just turned thirty years old. Homeless. Addicted to crack cocaine. Not sure how, or why or the exact cause of death. Just know that she had been back on the street and was probably still using. Just know that they worked on her for a while, and she just didn't make it.

I am crying right now because it's times like these when I feel so helpless. I am crying because I hate crack. I really, really do. I just want to run down the street screaming into the storm clouds until somebody, anybody hears me. I want to tackle every crack dealer and druglord one by one, punching them hard with my flimsy little wrists until they surrender. I want to flush every single rock down a giant toilet, and stomp on every glass tube, every home made soda can crack pipe, and every butane lighter. I feel like grabbing the inner city convenience store owners up by their collars and shaking them for carelessly selling all of that stuff side by side on shelves, knowing why folks are buying it. Yeah, I am mad as hell at crack right now. I really am. Crack is so, so wack.

Man, I wish I could have done something to pry her away from the stronghold of that addiction. I wish I could have just wiped the slate clean for her-- erased the mistakes, the HIV, the fear, the desperation. I wish I could just rewind back to when she was little, and be there to read her a story at bedtime, to tell her every single day how loved she is, and just to expect great things of her. . . .like my parents did for me. I wish she had all the chances that I had. She deserved it just as much as me.

Even though my interactions with her were brief, I remember them vividly. Right now, I am remembering her bright smile, her full head of wooly, unkempt hair, and the big, unreserved hug she gave me before she left the last time. I am smiling now as I think of the finger nails my resident painted bright orange for her during one of those first hospitalizations. It was such a thoughtful gesture.

"What color do you like your nails painted?" my resident asked her.

"Orange," she had said, " 'cause it looks pretty against my brown skin."

She was right.
_________________________________________


Little sister,


You were so much more than what you called yourself - a "crackhead."
You were fearfully and wonderfully made. . . .
You were a beautiful, young, vibrant woman of color. . . .
and you were sick.

You fought for a long time, and now you can rest.
Know that somebody was praying for you and rooting for you.
Know that somebody cried when they heard that you were gone.

It was an honor to know you and to care for you.
I mean that.

Sincerely,


Dr. M

________________________________

"It won't be long before another day
And we gonna have a good time
No one's gonna take that time away
You can stay as long as you like

So close your eyes
You can close your eyes
It's alright
I don't know no lovesongs
And I can't sing the blues anymore
But I can sing this song
And you can sing this song
When I'm gone. . . ."

- from James Taylor "You Can Close Your Eyes"

~ A Grady Angel ~

~Sunrise: 1979~

~Sunset: 2009~

J.T. singing "You Can Close Your Eyes"
take a moment to listen to it and reflect on a Grady Angel. . . .