 |
| You think you know who I am. But you have no idea. |
im·pos·ter n.
One who engages in deception under an assumed name or identity.
The Imposter Syndrome ~
A widespread phenomenon first documented by Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in their 1978 study of 150 highly successful professional women in various fields. “Despite accolades, rank, and salary, these women felt like phonies. They didn’t believe in their own accomplishments; they felt they were scamming everyone about their skills.”
____________________________
Wet eyes. Red noses. Mascara oozing.
Again?
What is it with us women? Why do we do this? This thing where we pick ourselves apart? This thing where we convince ourselves that we are mediocre when we are not? We tip toe through life, wondering how in the heck doors keep opening because all the while we are chanting into our own ears that it's all a sham. All of it. Who we are. Who they think we are. One big facade. And then. One bad thing happens and AH HAH! Told you so! One little shortcoming and now we suck? After all the good things we've done, just one imperfection ripples across and that wipes out everything we've done before?
Really? Really.
Arrrrrrggggghhhh!!!
I swear. It's epidemic. Pandemic even. Thinking we "lucked out." Believing it was just "the right place at the right time." God forbid you actually EARNED it through hard work.
Damn.
I'm tired. I'm rambling because I'm tired. Tired as hell of seeing amazing human beings -- mostly female ones -- with slumped shoulders and troubled eyes over this crazy idea that they aren't good enough. Or worse. Like they're some kind of imposter. Yes. I said it.
IMPOSTER.
Did that resonate with you? Are you reading this and nodding your head hard and saying, "Damn, I've felt that feeling!"
You know. That feeling like everyone has been hoodwinked and bamboozled into thinking you are exponentially more awesome-confident-smart-able-everything than you REALLY are. Because, see, only YOU know the REAL truth. And the truth is that it's all a big hoax. One false move and they will all find out who you REALLY are.
An IMPOSTER.
What we're thinking when things go right for us or when we get accolades:
"Oh, I say it, I say it again! You've been had! You've been took! You've been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Led astray! Run amuck!"
~ from the movie Malcolm X
HOODWINKED! BAMBOOZLED!
You've been HAD if you think I'm at all the person I seem.
And gentlemen--while I have nothing against you, you have to admit that many of you, not all of you, do not struggle with this imposter thing one bit. You get that big promotion or get asked to be some head of some big thing or get some big-bodacious award and it never even occurs to you that you didn't deserve it. Not-a-once.
Some of you. Not all of you. So don't start going off in the comments because I get that some of you feel like we feel. Even if it isn't necessarily the natural dude-thing to feel.
But us? We are hard-wired to question our successes. To wonder if it was because of this or because of that. To wonder how in the EFF you managed to trick everyone into thinking that you were ALL THAT when you are SO NOT.
I looked into the (tearful) eyes of MORE THAN THREE different women THIS WEEK ALONE and told them:
"Know who you are. Who you are is ENOUGH."
All in the context of this WACKY idea that we are imposters.
One of those women was ME. Looking straight at my own face my mirror.
What the EFF? What in the world must we do to get each other to STOP this crazy practice of convincing ourselves that we are imposters?
Seriously? You knew I declared war on this in the past. But that was just with myself when talking to my own reflection. Now? I'm fighting mad. I am DETERMINED to intentionally take this fight onto the road.
I need some people in my army to help me. I do.
Women? Hear me. We are not imposters. YOU. You are not an imposter. So stop it. You are enough. E-fricking-nough, you got that? So read this and apply it to yourself or whoever around you needs to hear it.
- Yes, you deserved to get the recognition that you just got.
- No, it was not an accident that they asked you to be chief resident.
- Yes, you actually are as smart as people seem to think.
- No, it isn't just "luck" that got you this far.
- Yes, there are other smart people around.
- No, they are not YOU.
- Yes, it is kind of weird that you've come this far.
- No, it isn't as far as you CAN go.
- Yes, you are an amazing mother.
- No, you are not horrible since your two year old can't read yet.
- Yes, your score on that exam wasn't as high as you would have liked.
- No, this isn't "the universe saying that you shouldn't be a doctor."
- Yes, you have gained a few pounds.
- No, that doesn't mean that you aren't still one hot number.
- Yes, you DID make a mistake.
- No, that does not get to serve as an affirmation that you're really an imposter.
YES, I am sick of tearing myself up and seeing other women do the same.
NO, I am not going to stand for it any more.
No, I am not.
Brothers, if this applies to you -- please, know I welcome you into my army to fight with me. I see it like the civil rights movement---more than just us were getting oppressed, but the urgency and focus had to be where the issue was greatest. So, NO, I don't mean to leave y'all out. But women are on my radar with this.
Especially a lot of the ones that I know.
I will affirm you.
I will remind you constantly of who you are.
Please do the same for me.
Let's fight the little voice and replace it with a big one that says:
ENOUGH ALREADY.
ALREADY ENOUGH.
Whew.
I'm exhausted now.
Who's down for fighting this with me? Please make your mark on the dotted line below.
X_______________________________________
***
Now playing on my mental iPod. . . .
