tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post3300912492916460711..comments2023-10-26T05:49:59.824-04:00Comments on Reflections of a Grady Doctor: Res ipsa loquitor.gradydoctorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-19159140022825436092015-09-08T13:50:51.074-04:002015-09-08T13:50:51.074-04:00This ish gets real old, real quick. When we first ...This ish gets real old, real quick. When we first moved into our home my husband was pulled over every single night. He was coaching football at the time, so he'd get home around 10 or so. And every night he was pulled over. They'd ask for ID, check his insurance, and let him go. This went on for a few weeks. Finally? He told them to either give him a ticket, put him in jail, or leave him alone. Only not nearly as politely. I was scared for months afterward that he would have some sort of altercation with the police and end up, as you say, a CNN headline. Having to choose between dignity and life is not a choice that our husbands should have to deal with. And yet, here we are in the year 2015 dealing with the same b.s. that generations before us - and likely after us - had to endure. I'm just glad all is well with Harry. Nerd Girlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-64536062074685815632015-09-07T23:23:02.742-04:002015-09-07T23:23:02.742-04:00As a person who has a bit of a problem with "...As a person who has a bit of a problem with "authority," I think I'm with your husband. As a white mother who will probably never face that kind of bullshit, though, from the police with my sons, I can definitely sympathize with your position, too. The thing speaks for itself, for sure.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-41732067441389705632015-09-06T20:16:34.148-04:002015-09-06T20:16:34.148-04:00I was going to say something but then I realized I...I was going to say something but then I realized I really don't know what it is like to live as a black man or woman. It's like when I talk to my husband about living as a woman. He's a large man, he has no idea what it feels like to be scared because you're someplace alone. <br /><br />This sucks. My life so farhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16721270441968035994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-69477511383152428592015-09-06T13:36:29.152-04:002015-09-06T13:36:29.152-04:00This is terrifying! And you know I understand how ...This is terrifying! And you know I understand how right you both were. Thank God Harry was ok because we all know anything could have happened and any story could have been told after the fact and any convenient evidence planted. This is for real.<br /><br />A couple week ago we lent our son the car to travel out of town with two friends, both young black men, one who wears his hair in dreadlocks, and after they left I was suddenly hyperventilating, thinking about the fact that the car is in my name, my professional name which is my maiden name, which is not my son's last name, and if some cop ran the plates they might think the very nice car carrying these three young black men was stolen and they might pull over my boy and his friends, and he'd have no way to prove that the car belonged to his mother and not some random woman, and then who knows how it would have spiraled from there. I was kicking myself for not putting the car in my married name, my son's name, and even though all was well, I couldn't help being just so angry that I even had to think like this. <br /><br />Harry is the man. And you are the woman. May your family be safe and protected always. Amen. 37paddingtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12400464105403622384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-32931212040748854692015-09-06T09:51:36.102-04:002015-09-06T09:51:36.102-04:00True that--the perceptions leak into all minds. I...True that--the perceptions leak into all minds. I still place the responsibility to change things on the shoulders of folks like me. Not that people of color should wait around, oh, hell no. <br />I'm not a good one for details like statistics, but I do believe that there are just as many or more young, White men cruising around with firearms, drugs, etc. And it doesn't matter how many anecdotes we may hear about White people being treated "the same way" by a police officer stopping them; the evidence weighs absurdly in the direction of racial profiling that leads to violence against young Black and Latino men. <br />I know I'm preaching to the choir. Forgive me.<br />And I'm also sorry if my rant implied that I thought anything about the (perceived) race of the police officer. I didn't. I was speaking, I think, to the larger issue of the most central sources and ways that racism, profiling, fear, and hatred continue to burn with violent life in this country.<br />Thanks for your voice and all you do, Dr. Kim.Cindy Lutenbacherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07135563113999810284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-71907229816891355992015-09-06T09:20:46.883-04:002015-09-06T09:20:46.883-04:00So a couple of things: First, a lot of these perce...So a couple of things: First, a lot of these perception things cross many race lines. The officer who pulled the BHE over was latino, according to Harry. Similar things are also described by my friends who've been stopped by cops who look just like them (black cops.) All of it is a hot mess. And it's super complicated considering there ARE some young brothers riding around at night who DO have firearms which messes it up for the ones who don't. Of course there are all sorts of people of every race doing bad things . . . but I totally agree with you that this country's history along with poverty, poor education and lack of generational wealth in underrepresented minority communities really poisons so many things and makes folks feel like they have nothing to lose. As Baldwin once said, "The most dangerous thing in any society is the man who has nothing to lose."gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-66873213935974508152015-09-06T09:14:48.164-04:002015-09-06T09:14:48.164-04:00Yeah Jill it's crazy. Sometimes it's easy ...Yeah Jill it's crazy. Sometimes it's easy to get so wrapped up in my little suburban life that I feel smacked on the side of the head by things like this. And that smack says, "Yeah, Miss Doctor, your family is still negro. Deal with it." I'm comforted knowing that we do have a lot of friends or every color of the rainbow who are equally as troubled.gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-68248401555909093132015-09-06T08:25:30.231-04:002015-09-06T08:25:30.231-04:00Dr. Kim, as I was reading this post, my heart was ...Dr. Kim, as I was reading this post, my heart was practically pounding out my damned chest. I knew Harry had to make it out okay, for you wouldn't be writing in just this way had things gone another way. As they so easily (blank)-ing could have. Still. My panic rose with every word I read.<br />This year is my 26th teaching at Morehouse, and I have heard a version of this story hundreds--if not thousands--of times from our sons. We White folks just don't seem to get it, that this kind of daily dealing has been an epidemic forever. We don't seem to get it that we White people continue to create in every era new (and old) methods to try to keep Black people and all POC in little boxes that White people can control.<br />Sorry. Didn't mean to get on a soap box, but I'm not taking it back, now.<br />I don't read medical studies very much (I teach English), but the ones I've read concerning race and health seem to focus on things like poverty and lack of access to good medical care. Those things are so important. But I've also long wondered if the medical field is ignoring the sheer impact of having to deal 24/7 with being the recipient of racism. When I think of Harry--and the thousands of young, Black men with whom I've been privileged to share the classroom/my office/friendship/kinship--I can't help but see such an immensely powerful stress upon one's body and soul. And I don't mean stress like, "Oh, I'm SO stressed out..." I mean stress like the things that cause steel bridges to collapse. <br />I will be asking my grandsons (students--they used to be my younger brothers, then my sons, now...) to read your piece so that we can talk about it in class. <br />The need to preserve one's life vs. one's dignity as a human should never have to be a choice.Cindy Lutenbacherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07135563113999810284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-38787418713309745492015-09-06T07:48:43.540-04:002015-09-06T07:48:43.540-04:00Stories like this, break my white woman heart, mak...Stories like this, break my white woman heart, makes me scared for Harry, Zach, Isaiah and all the other black/brown boys and men in my life that I love. It isn't the one degree of separation fear that you live with and for that I am truly sorry as a member of the white race, but it is two and three and on and on degrees of separation of the many that I do love and have loved for years. Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06744125557101852519noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-56913934142055168992015-09-06T01:46:56.957-04:002015-09-06T01:46:56.957-04:00Sigh. You feel my pain.Sigh. You feel my pain.gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-8001265479416782232015-09-06T01:46:41.267-04:002015-09-06T01:46:41.267-04:00Damn. That's all I can say to that.Damn. That's all I can say to that.gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-87740192084455009852015-09-06T01:45:59.513-04:002015-09-06T01:45:59.513-04:00#truedat#truedatgradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-16237210526244997162015-09-06T01:45:50.741-04:002015-09-06T01:45:50.741-04:00Thanks, friend! Poopdeck is awesome. I really appr...Thanks, friend! Poopdeck is awesome. I really appreciate that you read here. More coming--lots in my head.gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-81545461676498062342015-09-06T01:45:19.576-04:002015-09-06T01:45:19.576-04:00I appreciate all that you do, Christie.I appreciate all that you do, Christie.gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-70254917784337266342015-09-06T01:44:42.620-04:002015-09-06T01:44:42.620-04:00Whoa. I'm glad it worked out okay. I think the...Whoa. I'm glad it worked out okay. I think the part that sharply separates the experiences, though is that first question: Do you have any firearms? That, in addition to asking all of those other questions, was downright insulting. And yes, I totally agree that flashing that light in your car was foul, too. But something tells me that if Harry had been pulled over at 4am instead of 1am it would have been even worse. gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-60298791508618648142015-09-06T01:40:12.492-04:002015-09-06T01:40:12.492-04:00#truth#truthgradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-20788754810613020202015-09-06T01:40:00.726-04:002015-09-06T01:40:00.726-04:00Thank you, Ellie. And yes, this was f-ed up for re...Thank you, Ellie. And yes, this was f-ed up for real.gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-824747816701366432015-09-06T01:39:37.979-04:002015-09-06T01:39:37.979-04:00He'd counsel them to stay alive. It's weir...He'd counsel them to stay alive. It's weird how none of the stories seem applicable to us until it gets close like this. I hate that the happy medium means giving up dignity a lot of times.gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-79643754376156848952015-09-06T01:38:17.113-04:002015-09-06T01:38:17.113-04:00Yeah. I felt this weird mixture of proud of him an...Yeah. I felt this weird mixture of proud of him and furious with him. It was crazy.gradydoctorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10639816377218206777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-53315841250218731382015-09-05T22:12:15.737-04:002015-09-05T22:12:15.737-04:00This really breaks my heart. It actually scares me...This really breaks my heart. It actually scares me, because I'm 99% sure my husband would have reacted the same way as your husband. Brandihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01049383432715304456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-89167409647460412502015-09-05T21:18:15.838-04:002015-09-05T21:18:15.838-04:00Kim, this frustrates me so much. Two weeks ago I h...Kim, this frustrates me so much. Two weeks ago I had just dropped my daughter off in Peoples Town after we drove home from vacation in Florida. I was just about to pull onto 20 when one of Atlanta's finest pulled me over. By the time he got to my window, I had taken off my seat belt so I could reach my purse in the floor board and my insurance papers in the glove compartment. (I'm really short). The officer shown his flashlight briefly around my truck and asked me why I wasn't wearing a seat belt. He didn't question my explanation. He very politely told me that my tag lights were out. I apologised and said I'd get that fixed right away. He said have a good night, and left me to go home. He never asked me about weapons or why I was in the area. He didn't try to intimidate me or threaten me at all. Couldn't have been more polite. Harry deserves that same kind of respect. Maybe more so, because I do have a weapon. I also have a permit to carry it and I know how to use it. It saddens me that we still live in a world where all life isn't held as sacred, where respect isn't the expected and the norm, rather than the exception.Lisa https://www.blogger.com/profile/09324961653370110887noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-61741755417646270552015-09-05T17:38:04.567-04:002015-09-05T17:38:04.567-04:00Posts like these are why I pray an extra prayer fo...Posts like these are why I pray an extra prayer for those of us married to Black/Brown men, and why I pray extra EXTRA for the mothers of Black boys/men.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16564638461381455667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-18927076551010373182015-09-05T17:26:27.902-04:002015-09-05T17:26:27.902-04:00Btw...I've missed your writing lately. How is ...Btw...I've missed your writing lately. How is Poopdeck?Christiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10805994341532766158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-41144499353617459372015-09-05T17:25:51.196-04:002015-09-05T17:25:51.196-04:00So eloquently told. This breaks my heart. I worry ...So eloquently told. This breaks my heart. I worry about my students for the very same reason. I'm terrified something will happen to them because they are young black males. I pray for their safety in this crazy world, I will pray for your family too. This is a travesty. Christiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10805994341532766158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3245783834297902042.post-4007969023988525902015-09-05T16:04:48.809-04:002015-09-05T16:04:48.809-04:00Believe it or not this exact same thing happened t...Believe it or not this exact same thing happened to me about 5 years ago....and at that time I was a 56 year old white woman. I was coming home FROM THE POST OFFICE....I couldn't sleep and the post office was about 12 miles away so I thought....why not...go check my mail. It was about 4 in the morning. The cop pulled me over...said my light was out above my license plate! Shining his flashlight right in my eyes and all over the inside of my car. Treated me pretty much like how the BHE said. I told him the same thing...it is not against the law to be driving at 4 in the morning and I have done nothing wrong. I'm sure he was looking for drugs or drunk driving. I remember shaking in my boots and practically crying but I stood up for myself. I got home and checked my license plate light and it was fine! A good reason to have a mounted video recorder on you dash.....ain't for city galshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14938751007704247232noreply@blogger.com