Just about every day when I am at Grady, something makes me stop and say, "Wait, huh?"
That said, I will go light on the preamble this week as I bring you the top ten things this month at Grady that made me do a double take.
#10 ATL Ink.
All within the same month, I saw the following:
First was a man with the most bizarre tattooed hairline. It was literally a straight line across and looked like a person who had just been perfectly lined with clippers. . . . uuhhhh. . .from like twenty feet away. Up close, it was just. . um. . .yeah.
Second was this lady with what I am certain were tattooed eyebrows. But they were drawn really high. She kind of looked really Curious George-ish. Umm. . . .yeah.
|Not the person I saw, but close.|
Really, really. . .umm. . .yeah.
#9 The ATL Clippers.
Today I saw a woman sitting on a bench outside of Grady clipping her toenails. The good news is that she did not appear to be an employee. She also did not appear to be the least bit fazed by me standing there looking at her with a gaping mouth (that I had just thrown up a little bit in.)
0_0 -----> the look on my face.
#8 Food Fight.
How about my patient who kept saying he couldn't eat but every time I came in his room it looked like Picadilly Cafeteria had exploded on his tray, window sill, and sink? And his tray would be clean.
"You eat all this?" I'd ask each day.
"Naaaw, doc. Wadn't me."
#7 Weight just one minute!
Like, when will this end?
"Hey, Dr. Manning! Ain't you the one be on Fox 5?"
"Oh, you slender and trim. You be lookin' big-boned-ed on TV. All up in here." She waved her hands around her hips and but-tocks. And then up around her face.
Wait, huh? No she di'in't!!
Yeah. I got your "all up in here" . . . . .
Saw a man sitting cross legged (like sitting down on his behind cross legged) on the corner singing the Minnie Riperton version of "Loving You." And as for the part that goes "Doo, doo, doooo, doo, doooo. . . .AAAAA-AAA-AAAAA-AAA-AAAAAAHH"---he totally went for it. Did I mention that he, like, couldn't really sing and that there were, like, no real onlookers?
Um, yeah. It was really, really weird.
#5 The Mouths of Babes.
Little pre-school boy walked into a patient's room (who was obviously a relative) with his parent and promptly pinched his nose and announced:
"It smell STANK up in here!"
>_< (look on my face when I heard that.)
Man was lying on his side getting a spinal tap. Although he was very cooperative, he did not hold back yelping out during the procedure. So here we are, in the thick of it--us spinal tapping and him yelping--when we hear someone enter and go to the patient in the neighboring bed. Our curtain is pulled so we can't see. You can hear a few voices talking, and I gather that it's the phlebotomist. Mid-yelp, our patient yells out (from under the sterile field):
"Hey there, Frank! Tha's you?"
"Yeah tha's me!"
"Hey man, what you know good?"
"You got it, man!"
All while lying sideways under a sterile sheet in a fetal position. Oh, and in between yelping. I bet money that he would have reached from under that sheet and given Frank a fist bump if he'd tried.
#3 Short but sweet.
"What yo' name is again?"
"Oh, tha's what they said, okay den."
"Was there a problem?"
"Naawww. I was tryin' to get somebody to know who you was. I said, 'You know. . . .that little bald-headed black lady that be heading that team that come see about me.'"
"Wait--and that description helped somebody to know me?"
"Yeah! They said, 'Who, you talkin' 'bout Dr. Manning?'"
I was preparing to listen to a patient's lungs and opened the gown to expose the back. I saw the world's largest black head staring at me. . . . .easily the size of my fist.
Is it bad that I all day I kept thinking about popping it open?
#1 A Helping Hand.
One of our patients could always be found with his hand parked in his diaper every morning on rounds. This wouldn't have been a problem were he not looking to shake my hand--with that hand.
0_0 --------> look on my face when he reaches out that contaminated hand.*
*stole this hilarious thing (0_0) from the hilarious pserendipity! (see my "whiskers on kittens" blog roll!)